Dealing with midlife crisis
Midlife crisis is blamed when people suddenly have career changes, romantic affairs or out-of-character decisions in their mid-30s up to 50s. People experience a slump in their lives when they experience physical changes, energy shifts and lack of interest in things they used to enjoy.
The term “midlife crisis” was coined by psychoanalyst Elliott Jaques in the 1960s when he observed the pattern of his patients going through bouts of depression starting in their mid-30s.
This would be the time when one pauses, voluntarily or as forced by circumstances, to think of how one has been living life so far. It is when we ask ourselves questions like “Why am I doing what I do?,” “Is this who I really am?,” “Do I know what I want in life?”
While it can happen to anyone, people who are highly likely to experience it are those who identify so much with their looks, skills and roles. As they start to see changes in how they look, or their skills may not be at the peak anymore, especially physical ones, and as other people start to take on their roles, they start to question their life choices and what there is to life after.
What if it’s not necessary for one to experience a crisis when one reaches the ages of 35 and beyond? What if we could avoid the crash and just transition gracefully into our golden age?
There are quite a few things we can do to prevent this “crisis” and still enjoy life as we cruise through the tides of the different stages of our lives.
1. Choose a career that’s aligned with who you are. What we do professionally takes so much of our time and energy. Living a career that denies our true core will feel like living a lie most of our lives. What we do will also impact the social circles that we have. If we choose to do something that isn’t aligned with who we are, we risk creating a false persona.
2. Maintain deep and meaningful connections. While one’s marital status will not guarantee going into or avoiding the crisis, the quality and choice one makes will certainly be a key factor. People who are married may not necessarily be happier or sadder. Single or not, having great connections with family and friends is a great way to soften the blow of the changes we experience in this phase.
3. Have a good relationship with self. Forgiveness, compassion and love are necessary elements to be at peace with ourselves. Perfectionists are likely to take the midlife changes harder than the ones who are more accepting of life’s realities. Whether we are single or have families of our own, having inner peace equates to a better outlook in life.
4. Taking care of one’s self. Self-care isn’t automatic for those who are kind to themselves. Sometimes, people think of indulging in every desire to be the best choice. Being intentional in deciding what’s best for our physical bodies, our mental strength, and our spirituality will cushion us against any decline we see as we grow older.
5. Deal with issues of the past. Most of us would have baggage from our childhood. There would always be that sibling, teacher, classmate, parent who did something that scarred us. Whatever it was, take time to heal and change the narrative. This will also bring possibilities for a fresher narrative of who we are and who we can still be.
6. Have faith. Midlife crisis is probably when we first have an awareness of our mortality, when we start to feel that we’re not invincible anymore. This is also usually the time when we see our parents grow older. Having some form of faith gives assurance that we will be okay, that someone is in charge.
7. Believe in possibilities. If the decisions made so far have felt out of alignment with one’s identity, values, and life mission, it’s a great time to finally get off the wrong bus and catch the right one. Be it relationship, career or location, find a space that feels grounding and freeing for you.
Whichever life stage we’re in, one may feel discomfort, unhappiness and restlessness. These feelings can be a gift, as they are possibly messages to us that something needs to be looked into and shifted. The earlier and the more frequently we listen to these signals and do the appropriate change, the more likely we are to breeze through the seasons of our lives with grace and joy.
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Sheila Tan is an executive coach and an organizational development consultant. Email her at coachsheila.tan@gmail.com.
