The sacredness of staying: Jesus’ radical call to marital fidelity
Recently, I finished a 13-week Catholic Bible study on the Book of Matthew. It was intense and often challenging, especially Jesus’ teachings on marriage and divorce.
In Matthew, the Pharisees confront Jesus with a loaded question: “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason?” Back then, Jewish law allowed men to divorce.
Jesus cited Genesis as God’s original intent for marriage, saying, “The two shall become one flesh.” This unity, He teaches, is intended to be unbreakable. “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” Marriage isn’t some contract you can terminate when things get inconvenient; it’s a holy covenant. For Jesus, marriage is sacred, a bond God Himself witnesses and blesses.
When the Pharisees asked further why Moses permitted divorce, Jesus explained that the root of the problem lies not in the law but in human “hardness of heart.” In the Old Testament, God allowed divorce as a concession to human sinfulness, to protect people within a morally compromised society. Divorce was meant to contain human weakness.
‘Unchastity’
Moses’ provision in Deuteronomy (24:1-4) regulated divorce without endorsing it; it provided a written certificate as a safeguard, particularly for women, who could be abandoned with no legal protection. Jesus clarifies that God’s ultimate design never included divorce. He emphasizes that marriage is sacred and that breaking this bond and remarrying is an act of adultery, except in cases of “unchastity (porneia).”
This “except for unchastity” clause has led to much debate. Catholic scholars interpret this clause in ways that uphold the permanence of marriage.
Three main perspectives emerge:
Adultery exception: Some scholars view porneia as a reference to adultery. However, unlike certain Protestant perspectives, the Catholic understanding does not see adultery as grounds for remarriage. The betrayed spouse might choose separation, but they’re still considered married in the eyes of God. Imagine a scarred but unbroken cord, still holding two people together despite the hurt. It’s painful but emphasizes that even in grave sin, the sacramental bond endures.
Unlawful marriages: Another interpretation sees porneia as referring to illicit marriages, such as incestuous or other forbidden unions under Levitical law. Here, such unions were invalid from the start and therefore not truly sacramental, allowing them to be dissolved without breaking a true marital bond.
The betrothal context: In Jewish custom, betrothal was a binding commitment, yet not the same as marriage. If a woman was found unchaste during this period, her fiancé could end the engagement, as Joseph intended to do quietly with Mary. This view interprets porneia as unfaithfulness during the betrothal phase, not after the marriage itself is consummated. Once a valid marriage is established, it remains indissoluble.
Each view reinforces the idea that once you’re in a valid marriage, God sees that bond as unbreakable. It’s not an easy teaching, but it’s meant to protect the sanctity of marriage as a lifelong commitment.
Blessing of children
Immediately after teaching on marriage, Jesus blesses children, emphasizing their innocence. This connection is not coincidental. Children, with their humble dependence on adults, serve as a model of openness and trust in God’s plan.
Jesus’ blessing of the children underscores that a stable marriage creates the ideal environment for raising children who can grow up knowing and trusting God. Like kids, we’re called to be faithful and depend on God, especially in marriage. Kids don’t question their parents’ love, they trust it, like we’re meant to trust God’s design for marriage. But how can kids trust a parent who cheats?
Jesus’ blessing also highlights the impact of divorce on children. A stable marriage is a child’s first experience of God’s faithfulness, a lived example of love that shapes how they see relationships and, ultimately, God Himself.
When a marriage breaks, children feel the aftershocks, emotionally and spiritually. Jesus isn’t just talking about two adults in marriage; He’s also thinking of the little ones watching and learning about love, trust and faithfulness. In a secure and loving marriage, children can experience the trust and support they need to grow. Protecting the family and fostering faith begins with honoring the covenant of marriage.
In modern society, marriage is often viewed as conditional, grounded in personal happiness rather than commitment. If one partner feels unfulfilled, divorce is seen as an acceptable path. There is a rising normalization of remarriage and multiple partnerships, prioritizing personal fulfillment over lifelong commitment. Infidelity, though frowned upon, is sometimes excused when a relationship is “no longer satisfying.” Marriage has shifted from a sacrificial covenant to a breakable contract.
Beyond personal comfort
Jesus calls us to see marriage as a covenant, a promise that goes beyond personal comfort. It’s meant to reflect God’s faithfulness to us, a bond so strong that even betrayal doesn’t give us an easy way out. He challenges us to put aside our culture’s quick-fix mentality and lean into the grit and sacrifice that marriage often requires.
Those who have experienced betrayal or hardship in marriage will find Jesus’ words difficult to accept. Yet His teaching calls us to see marriage as a permanent commitment, even in painful circumstances.
It’s tough to swallow that we’re called to honor the covenant even when someone else breaks their vows. We may not be able to control our spouse’s actions, but we can control our response. We can choose to honor the sanctity of marriage, even in heartbreak, and try to live out the kind of faithfulness, integrity, and commitment we want our children to see.
The choice to reflect God’s faithfulness even when circumstances test it is not without pain, but it allows us to stay true to God’s design, providing stability for our children. I want to be the role model my kids can look up to. It isn’t easy, but it’s where I find peace and purpose, keep my promises, and trust God with the rest.
Remaining true to our vows is about honoring a covenant that was witnessed by God, even if our spouse hasn’t held up their end. I want to live in a way that reflects the sacrificial love Jesus speaks of because it aligns with the truth I value. Of course, I speak for myself, not when impediments to marriage apply, and with the application of legal recourse such as in the cases of physical, sexual, economic, and psychological abuse.
Moving on is a reasonable, valid response. But remaining blameless and true is a choice to trust that, even in suffering, God’s plan for marriage reflects His love, a love that doesn’t abandon, even when tested. I strive to embody this love for my children, who deserve to see the strength of a covenant, even when one partner falls short.
