Defining womanhood on your own terms
Having a choice is the new measure of success. For the women of the world, this is a new concept. Gone are the days when the only options are find a husband or starve to death in humiliation.
While it may not seem like it sometimes, society has progressed a lot in terms of how it sees and treats women. Education, career, financial wealth are now well within reach of women. There’s a wide array of possibilities that have emerged in recent decades. These were beyond imaginable a couple of centuries ago.
But, does it really mean women are now free from the shackles of expectations? Or are we like captive elephants who, despite being released from their physical chains, continue to move constrained due to ingrained limitations?
Being a woman on one’s own terms means different things for each. For some it is succeeding like men—career-driven, unemotional, unapologetic. Others think it is to not be like men—compassionate, emotionally mature, caring—and still succeed in the workplace.
But what if we can be our own person, and not in reference to men? How do we let our authentic selves emerge, navigate our own paths, create our own space, and let our brightness shine?
Ponder on these areas and answer these questions to truly become your own woman.
1. Design a life that you want. Imagine and create an ideal day in that life. Where would you want to spend most of your days in? What would you be doing? How would you be feeling? Capture one moment in your perfect life scenario. Describe it with as much detail as you can. If you’re tempted to think about why and how it won’t happen, stop it. Design without limits at this stage.
2. Create your own identity. Who are you outside of your roles, achievements, and associations? What is your nature, destiny, and value? How do you experience yourself? How do you express yourself socially? What do you need to do to like who you are?
3. What makes you come alive? What task gives you joy? If money wasn’t an issue, what would you be doing? So many of us have forgotten what it means to feel truly alive. When we feel automated to just follow a routine because we feel we have to, it’s time to pause and rethink our life decisions.
4. What beliefs support you in allowing you to take calculated risks? Things don’t have to be true for us to believe in it. But what we believe in will determine our lives like a magnet. Do you believe you deserve good things? Do you believe an easy and happy life is possible?
5. Who do you want to be present in your life? What kind of relationships will give way to the life you have designed? Relationships could range from family, friends, colleagues to romantic partners. This will help you surround yourself with the right people.
6. What are you running away from? What do you not want in your life? Are they realistic? How is it serving you to avoid these things? Knowing what we don’t want is a good reference to have. However, if we keep a pattern of just running away from the slightest discomfort, it can get us off the right direction.
7. Where are you headed? What purpose and passion pulls you in? What kind of world do you imagine it to be? How can you contribute toward it?
8. What skills do you need to be able to sustain the life you want? Be intentional in upskilling yourself so that you can succeed in the area that you choose. Do your research, ask people who are experts in that field.
9. What fears are getting in your way? How many of them are realistic? Fears are great messengers of what needs to be considered. What can you do to minimize possibilities of them happening? Create contingency plans. If your fears are things like being judged, making mistakes, the solution is to simply accept that these may happen. Being okay with these worst-case scenarios automatically lightens the load.
Being a woman who can design her own life and find a way to live it without betraying one’s self is the best way to celebrate womanhood. Forget about who says what, ignore unsolicited advice from people who think their lives are the best paths to take. Listen within first and find a way to make your deepest desires into an external reality. Happy Women’s Month!
The author is an executive coach and an organizational development consultant. You may reach her at coachsheila.tan@gmail.com
