How Cherry Pie Picache deals with empty nest syndrome
What’s my worth as a mother now?”
Actress and single mom Cherry Pie Picache admits that this question has been weighing on her lately, now that her only son, Nio, is all grown up. Like many parents, she confesses to going through the bittersweet process of letting go.
Antonio or Nio, her 22-year-old son with former partner Gary Tria, recently started working. And while Picache is nothing but proud, the transition has been emotionally challenging.
“I’m getting there, slowly,” she said. “Because he’s all grown up, I know I have to let him go so he can learn life skills on his own. But I can’t help but ask myself—what’s my role now? He has a job. He’s making big decisions on his own.”
For over two decades, it was just the two of them. “I got used to him living with me for 23 years. As moms, our kids become our top priority. Sometimes, we forget to be our own person. We might even forget to be wives, if we are. And when we’re no longer needed in the same way, we start to wonder: ‘Do they still need me?’ That’s the hardest part, especially for a single mom like me,” she told Lifestyle in a recent media gathering to promote her latest film, “Fatherland.”
When asked what would make her cry as a mother, Picache answered: “If he ever gets married! He’s only 22, so I think that’s still far off. But honestly, I cry over all his successes—big or small. I cry when he’s in pain, when he’s hurting. I cry during the important moments of his life. I even cried when I realized I had to let him go. That’s the hardest part for any parent.”
Mother’s prayer
Her hopes and fears for Nio have evolved over time.
“Before, I used to worry about all sorts of things. Now, I just pray he becomes a God-fearing man, that he grows into a good person, a man for others. I know that’s not easy—life’s tough for all of us. But I hope that whatever challenges come his way, he’ll get through them with his integrity and dignity still intact. I pray he never loses his faith. And if he falls, I hope he just brushes off his knees and gets right back up.”
Because that’s what life’s all about, Picache added—even at 54 (turning 55 this May), “I still stumble,” she admitted. “But I always make sure to get up and try again. Laban lang!”
She and Nio make it a point to stay connected. “Pinipilit ko! I really make an effort to talk to him. Even though we both have work, we make sure to check in with each other.”
She then recalled a moment when she cried to Nio, telling him she felt like he no longer had time for her. “I told him, ‘I miss you. We don’t talk anymore. Let’s make sure to always communicate. I know you’re asserting your independence, but please still let me know what’s going on in your life. If you’re struggling, if you’re worried—tell me.’
“I promised I’d do the same. It shouldn’t just be one-way. I need to share how I feel, too. Since then, we’ve tried to open up to each other more—about our fears, our anger, our tired days, our worries.”
Mom knows best
When it comes to parenting style, Picache said she took a lot of lessons from her own relationship with her mom—both what to do, and what not to do. “Back then, you couldn’t reason with your parents. You couldn’t question their judgment. You just followed, because they knew best. That’s why I used to resist my mom a lot. That’s why we fought,” she shared.
“But kids today are very different, especially because they grew up with social media. So, I carved my own path. I realized parents need to be progressive thinkers. Otherwise, you’ll lose your children. They’ll stop talking to you, and you’ll be left guessing what’s going on with them,” she observed. “You do that by letting go of your ego as a parent. You admit you’re not always right, that you make mistakes, that it’s okay to say sorry.”
Of course, she acknowledged, that’s easier said than done. But it’s necessary. “We need to be open to both giving and receiving. Our kids need to see that we’re human, too. That we’re flawed. These days, kids want ‘real talk.’”
When asked for her advice to young moms, Picache pointed out that parenting is a unique journey for everyone. “But for me, what really helped was prayer. There are moments when all you can do is pray for your child. Second, trust. You need to give that to them. And lastly, communication.”
Support
At this point in the interview, Nio—who had been standing just a few steps away from his mom—was asked to join the conversation. How did he think she was doing with the whole letting go thing?
“I think we’re both learning,” he said. “Sometimes, kids need to realize that their parents are also growing, or are learning as they go along. We’re both helping each other. We support each other, and that’s what matters.”
He added: “I try to support her in any way I can. We talk. We connect. We watch movies together. Sundays are sacred—we always keep that day for each other. We make time.”
“Fatherland,” a dramatic piece written by Roy Iglesias and directed by Joel Lamangan, will open in cinemas on April 19. It also features Inigo Pascual, Angel Aquino, Allen Dizon, Ara Mina, Richard Yap, and Mercedes Cabral.
