It’s not just our words that hold power; it is how we express them
Though captured in incomplete detail and lacking context, two recent incidents circulating on social media resonated deeply with me and brought a quick insight: it is not just what we say that matters, but how we say it.
The first incident involves a priest who demanded that a palm vendor vacate the premises of his parish church and sell her goods outside. In quick defense of this unexpected and inexplicable emotional outburst from a man of the cloth, witnesses said the vendor had been repeatedly asked to leave but refused to obey. When the situation escalated, the priest, still wearing his red chasuble, took it upon himself to confront the woman vendor, who said she only sells her palms on Palm Sunday. While this may be an exception rather than the rule for a religion that preaches compassion and love for the poor, it raises questions about how and why the priest acted in such a manner toward the vendor, who was only trying to earn a living for her family. Although he had every right to ask her to leave, one must wonder why the good father could not have approached the vendor gently yet firmly. St. Francis of Assisi, a man of peace who prayed that his Lord and Master make him an instrument of his peace, after whom the parish was named, would have done much better.
The second incident concerns a school principal who instructed graduating senior high school students to take off their rented togas, since it was not the prescribed attire for the graduation ceremony, with a threat that she would not sign their diplomas otherwise. After her address, she was heard taunting the students to complain or make “angal.” Observers noted that there had been an agreement among parents and teachers allowing the students to wear togas for this significant milestone in their academic journey. While the principal has the right and duty to enforce compliance with the school’s rules and regulations, why did she not say this in a way that the students would find more amenable?
As a retired academic with 40 years of experience, I have encountered my fair share of challenges and successes with college students from a Catholic institution of higher learning. Generally speaking, these students have been respectful and obedient toward their mentors and school authorities once a person in authority has duly earned, not demanded, their respect. One lesson I learned over time is that individuals, especially students, are likelier to listen and comply when those in authority engage them in what the German thinker Jurgen Habermas calls communicative action (santong dasalan in local parlance). The intent is to create a space for open and equal dialogue where participants can voice their opinions and influence the outcome based on shared values.
Conversely, a strategic or instrumental action (santong paspasan) uses language to achieve a specific goal, by hook or by crook, without a desire to reach a consensus.
St. Paul, in his letter to the Philippians (4:15), invites us to speak the truth in charity. This means being honest while remaining kind, respectful, and compassionate—considering the feelings of others and choosing words that uplift rather than diminish and serve rather than dominate. “In essentials, unity; in nonessentials, liberty, but in all things charity,” often attributed to figures such as St. Augustine and John Wesley, serves as a guiding principle for our behavior and encourages harmony, especially in today’s volatile, uncertain, complex, and ambiguous world.
NOEL ASIONES,
noelgasi2000@yahoo.com
