What puffy eyes taught me about love, loss, and legacy
July and August have been quite tough on me. With two deaths happening in my family, it has bruised my heart and soul deeply. My dad, Cenen G. Dizon, and his cousin, Teresita G. Zamora, left exactly 30 days apart, and I have not been getting enough sleep ever since. Sadness has overtaken what was supposed to be a joyful birthday month, and I’ve been exhausted—physically, mentally, and emotionally.
The house is eerily silent. The familiar sounds are still there, but the blasting sound of the TV coming from my dad’s room is now gone. Gone is the light that used to shine through the bottom of his door. Weekends are now dedicated to just ourselves—a contrast to when my siblings and I used to scramble to think of activities to do with him.
Not a dry eye in sight
I find myself crying when I am alone in my room. My dearest friend Ivar told me that I should let the tears out when they are there, and that I should not pretend to be strong when all I want to do is collapse. I have great friends who try to cheer me up. I know that I can count on them to remind me that life goes on and being happy is what my dad and mom would want for me. And yes, I do try. I also have work, a lot of it, to keep my mind busy.
The passing of my Tita Tita also hit me hard. I found myself back in Heritage Memorial Park, just a few weeks after spending three nights there for my dad. Tita Tita was my mom’s dearest friend. It is because of her that Jul B. Dizon Jewellery is what it is today. She and I would banter because she thought I was always out to sell her jewelry. She was funny, and my family and I will surely miss her.
Losing them both so close together has left me feeling hollow. I must have cried buckets. Even as I write this, the tears keep coming. Grief shows itself not just in the heart but also on the face. Tomorrow morning, I know I will wake up looking like I have been stung by a million bees.
But there has to be a way to cry without the puffiness. I have tried putting an ice pack to keep the swelling to a minimum—because I know that you can absolutely cry your eyes out and still wake up looking like yourself again.
Keeping the puffiness at bay
It turns out there is a reason for all that swelling. According to studies, puffy eyes after crying are caused by fluid retention in the delicate skin around the eyes, as excess tears are absorbed. When you cry, the lacrimal glands produce more tears than usual. Those excess tears—particularly emotional tears, which contain more water and proteins than basal tears—can cause fluid to accumulate in the tissues around the eyes, which leads to puffiness. The more you cry, the puffier your eyes become.
So how can you let the tears flow, and still look and feel their best the next day? The key is to constrict the blood vessels around the eye area. The first thing you need to do is reduce the blood flow and swelling.
Over time, I have collected a few tricks that have helped me, and here are some that I have personally tried and tested:
Ice pack or cold compress: This is the easiest fix, but it can be quite uncomfortable. Since we need to drain the fluid, sleeping upright is best. It will also help unclog your stuffy nose from all the crying. Caffeine is a known vasoconstrictor, so putting teabags on your eyes is one trick that is supposedly helpful. But I would still rather use ice.
Cucumber, you say?: Forget that. The vegetable has cooling properties, but I find it silly to waste a perfectly delicious snack. Cucumber gel, however, is another story.
Sleep: A lot of it. It calms the mind, heart, and soul. If you get enough of it, you will wake up with happy puffiness. But this is a challenging task. If you have not, read my article before this one. It’s all about how a good night’s sleep is hard to achieve nowadays.
Drinking plenty of water: You’ll have to replace the liquid flowing out of you. Crying can dehydrate you, and dehydration makes puffiness worse. Water also helps flush out excess salt from emotional tears, reducing swelling.
Hide it: A good concealer and big sunglasses should do the trick. As for me, I have always had eyebags, even as a child. I must have inherited them from my dad.
A will to protect
Speaking of inheritance, another reason I have been sleepless is because my siblings and I still need to settle what my dad has left us. A few years ago, he had already made things clear with the lawyer about what we children should have, but even so, it still requires our time and attention.
Do you know how important it is to leave a will? As a jeweler, I have come across many family members who have their mom’s jewelry appraised—just so they can share it equally with the rest of the family. It can get quite exhausting, especially if there are many things to divide such as cars, artworks, watches, houses, and, of course, money.
If I may share something with you, my will is already drawn up. I have everything in order in case something should happen to me ahead of time. Since I have two children, no one will get more than the other. Everything I worked hard for will be enjoyed equally by both of them when I go. There will be no fighting over anything because by leaving a will while my head is on straight, I can avoid exactly that.
So how does one even begin? I started by accounting for all the things that are priceless to me. Priceless does not necessarily mean expensive: It can be the smallest charm, something with sentimental value. If you can, take a photo and make a private inventory—assigning each piece to whoever you want to give it to. Take it a step further by putting a price on each piece, if possible, and making sure the total is equal for each person.
Having this matter arranged and drawn up legally is one of the best things you can give your family when your time is up.
Remember this, my dear readers
To wrap this up, the two lessons I want to impart to you, my dear readers, are these: First, let the tears flow when they need to. Crying is not weakness. It is proof that you love deeply and feel just as deeply. Just remember to drink your water, rest, and maybe keep a pair of fabulous sunglasses on standby.
Second, plan ahead. Have your affairs in order, no matter your age. Leaving a clear will and fair division of your belongings is a final act of love for the people you will one day leave behind. It saves them from stress, arguments, and heartache at a time when they should be holding each other close.
Life will keep throwing us moments of joy and moments of grief. We cannot control the timing, but we can prepare for both. And if the day comes when you have to cry your eyes out, may it be because you are happy and laughing hard.
