The unsung grace

Photos by JT Fernandez

Growing up, I only ever knew one nanny. Yaya Jubeng started working for my father when she was only 15 years old, even before my parents were married. At first, she became my older brother’s nanny, and then she became mine. Over the years, she grew into something more—a second mother in every sense. She stayed with us until I got married, retiring only 17 years ago.

When my parents were busy with work and I needed to see a doctor, she was the one who took me there. When we had to fly to Davao to be with our parents, who were based there, she carefully packed our bags and guided us through the airport. When I began working and later lived on my own, Yaya Jubeng remained by my side. She saw me get married and, in time, would visit my daughters, loving them as though they were her own grandchildren.

Her presence was constant, her loyalty unwavering. This kind of devotion, this rare breed of service, is what I call the unsung grace. It echoes that timeless creed by Horst Schulze: “We are ladies and gentlemen, serving ladies and gentlemen.” Because true service is not servitude. It is dignity, respect, and human connection at its finest.

A different time

Times have changed. With social media, technology, and a shifting job market, today’s opportunities are vast. Many young people, instead of choosing domestic service, would rather work in call centers, explore careers abroad, or try their hand at entrepreneurship.

It reminds me of an episode in the Gilded Age. Household wages, while better protected by law today, no longer carry the same draw they once did. The world has opened doors for many, and with that, the tradition of a lifelong nanny has become less common.

And yet, the heart of the matter remains: what makes someone stay and what makes them move on? Is it loyalty, kindness, wages, or benefits? The answer, I believe, lies somewhere in between. It is about the relationship built—the unspoken bond between those who serve and the families they dedicate themselves to.

The quiet strength of home

Today, some households employ entire staffs: cooks, housekeepers, and even butlers. Others prefer not to, outsourcing tasks to private chefs, catering businesses, or cleaning services. Technology, too, is beginning to edge into this space—AI tools are already being designed to act as “house managers.”

And yet, no app, no matter how advanced, can replicate the warmth of human care, the intuition of someone who has watched you grow, or the subtle way they anticipate your needs before you even voice them out. That is the heart of the unsung grace.

It is the helper who straightens the living room before guests arrive, not to draw attention, but to set the stage for welcome. It is the driver who quietly waits outside during long evenings, ensuring you return home safe. It is the cook who remembers your favorite comfort dish and prepares it just when you need it most—or simply someone you can talk to when dining at home alone while the rest of the family is out.

These gestures rarely make it into stories or Instagram feeds. They are not flashy, not designed for recognition. But they are the quiet strength that keeps a home running well.

Hospitality beyond the host

Hospitality, after all, does not begin and end with the host. Behind the polished glasses and well-set tables is a team, often just one or two people, who make the experience seamless. Their graciousness is not always visible, but it is always felt.

When I think of my own nanny, what strikes me most is not the length of her service, though that too was remarkable. It was her loyalty, expressed through small, everyday acts—staying up when I was sick, making sure I arrived at school on time. She was someone who stood up for me, protected me, and who remained a steady presence even when I lived on my own. She taught me that service, when given with heart, becomes something greater than a job. It becomes a relationship built on trust and care.

This kind of service, I believe, deserves dignity and gratitude. It is easy to take for granted the smooth running of a home, the meals that arrive at the table, and the order that magically restores itself after a busy day. But behind each of those “ordinary” moments is someone’s labor, attention, sacrifice, and often, affection.

“They are the quiet strength that keeps a home running well.”

A quiet blessing

In our current age, where convenience often trumps connection, the presence of a loyal helper or staff member is a quiet blessing. It is not about nostalgia for the past or resistance to change. It is about recognizing the human value in relationships that support and sustain us.

The unsung grace is not just about tasks accomplished; it is about the peace of mind that comes from knowing someone cares enough to make sure your home is safe and runs well.

I am often asked if such loyalty still exists today. I believe it does, though it may look different. Some households may not have live-in nannies or butlers, but bonds can still be formed with those who come to cook, to clean, or to drive. The essence of grace is not in permanence, but in presence—the way someone chooses to do their work with care, and the way we, in turn, acknowledge and honor that care.

The challenge for employers or principals is to not let this grace go unnoticed. Gratitude is not only good manners, but it is also what sustains human dignity. A kind word, fair treatment, and genuine acknowledgment go a long way in making service meaningful.

Closing reflection

Because in the end, the story of hospitality is not just about how we welcome our guests. It is also about how we treat those who make that welcome possible.

The unsung grace—those quiet, steady hands may never seek the spotlight. But without them, the music of home would not play as smoothly. They are the heartbeat of gracious living, the quiet strength that holds everything together. And for that, they deserve not only our thanks, but our deepest respect.