How Megan Young deals with mom guilt
Mom guilt “is real” for Megan Young. Even now, as she chats with us at work, she admits that her thoughts can’t help but drift to her four-month-old son, Leon. “At the back of my head, I’m like, ‘Is he doing fine? Has he eaten yet? Has he slept yet? I feel bad working because I feel like I’m not spending enough time with him,” the actress and former Miss World shares at a recent press event—her first since giving birth last May.
These pangs of perceived inadequacy arise, not only from worries about being present with her baby, but also from not breastfeeding directly. “I pump my milk,” she says. But with reassurance from her loved ones, she eventually came to realize that, “at the end of the day, fed is best.” And the way she does it shouldn’t make her feel any less of a mother.
“I give him what I can, as much as I can. If this is the only way I can feed him, then so be it,” says Young, who has been happily married to fellow actor Mikael Daez for almost six years now. “Now, I don’t think I should be guilty about how I feed him. As long as he’s growing and gaining weight, I’m okay.”
Extreme emotions
The responsibilities of motherhood can be overwhelming, especially for someone new to the role. And when coupled with that instinct that seemingly tells her she has to be on top of everything, any notions of self-care are quickly set aside.
Young describes her first two months postpartum as a roller coaster of heightened emotions: “extreme happiness, sadness, anger”—and every so often, they bring her to tears. She’s not usually the sensitive type, but she uncharacteristically began snapping at her husband’s jokes and silly antics that would have normally made her laugh.
Still, she’s thankful to Daez for always reminding her that they’re in this together—that the responsibility of raising their baby isn’t hers alone, but his, too. He was patient and helped her process her emotions. He nudged her to start doing things for her own happiness and well-being.
And he showed her that taking care of others shouldn’t come at the cost of neglecting oneself. “Mikael’s encouragement got me out of that mom guilt zone,” the 35-year-old actress says. “I always thought, ‘Ako na, kaya ko na ‘to.’ But I have realized that I also have to take it easy and trust my husband that he can take care of our baby, too.”
The little things that add up
Young has started going out for walks again. Even just a 30-minute stroll does wonders for her mood. She finally had her nails done and allowed herself to do a little shopping. “Those who know me know I’m kuripot, but Mikael convinced me that I also deserve to treat myself,” she relates.
“All these little things add up,” she points out. “I became happier, which, in turn, makes me feel better about caring for myself and for our baby.”
It also helps that motherhood came exactly when it was meant to. Some might see it as a little late, but for her, the timing couldn’t have been better. Having enjoyed married life with her husband and taken time to focus on their personal dreams, Young can now pour her energy into building a family without feeling like she’s missing out on anything.
“If we had a baby right away after marriage, yes, we will be ready. But still, I was a different person at that time. Mentally, I was still quite immature, even when I was already almost 30,” she tells Lifestyle Inquirer.
Of course, it would be remiss not to acknowledge that Young has a yaya and family she can turn to for help—but only as an extra hand when needed. The responsibility of raising Leon still rests squarely on the couple, which is why they don’t see themselves returning to showbiz—at least not at the same time.
“If one of us has to go to a taping, the other should stay home,” she says. “Hindi lang nakaasa sa help or sa family because I want Leon to grow up with a parent who’s always present.”
Embracing change
As the new endorser of Megasoft’s Sisters menstrual products, Young hopes to continue her advocacy of educating young girls about the female cycle and how it affects their bodies. To this day, she observes, talking about periods remains kind of taboo. But it shouldn’t be, she stresses. “Marami pa ring nahihiya, so I hope that changes.”
But even as she seeks to teach others, she knows she still has much to learn herself. And one of those lessons is coming to terms with—and being less scrutinizing of—the physical changes that come with pregnancy. “Sometimes, we’re our own worst critics. After giving birth, I was like, ‘Bakit ang laki pa rin ng tiyan ko,’” she shares.
But reflecting on such changes is one thing; hearing unsolicited comments about them from others is another.
“What may not look beautiful to you might be someone else’s truth,” she points out. “Not everything has to be said. If you compare my current state to what I was like before getting pregnant, sobrang iba. And I get comments like, ‘Bakit ganito? Bakit ganyan?’”
But the thing about motherhood, Young says, is that the journey doesn’t always turn out the way you had envisioned. You can only do so much because some things are simply out of your control. So if she could give a piece of advice to her fellow new mom, it would be this: Expect the unexpected, accept, and adjust.
“I’m embracing the stretch marks and the weight gain; how my body acts, looks, and feels different,” Young says. “I just block out the comments and stick with people I know will uplift me, not focus on the little negative things.”
