Wedding etiquette includes being mindful of how much it costs guests to attend
Weddings are meant to be celebrations of love. They may also require invited guests to make a financial commitment that brings them stress. Whether it’s paying for hotels and flights to attend a destination wedding or different outfits and gifts for multiple pre-wedding events, friends and extended family often feel pressure to spend a large amount of money before the couple gets married.
No hard feelings
“Money is part of how we show up for one another,” says Christine Hargrove, a licensed therapist who serves as assistant director of the Love and Money Center at the University of Georgia. “But don’t let finances get in the way of lifelong friendships or family relationships that are healthy and supportive.”
Hargrove often sees budgeting issues becoming friendship issues for couples and members of their wedding party.
“If somebody says, ‘I care about you, I really want to come to your wedding, but I absolutely cannot afford five days in the Caribbean on top of already going to a wedding,’ don’t take it personally,” Hargrove advises.
“Couples have to keep in mind that people do have different budgets, different backgrounds. People have different work responsibilities and capabilities of taking PTO,” says Sarah Schreiber, a former magazine weddings editor turned wedding consultant.
Here are some recommendations for ways engaged couples can reduce costs for their wedding guests and how guests can participate without going into debt.
For couples
1. Book different hotel options
Schreiber recommends having at least a couple of hotel options at different price ranges.
2. Offer to pay for some services
Covering the cost of transportation to and from the wedding venue, paying for childcare if kids are not invited to the celebration, and hosting a morning-after breakfast are other ways couples can make their wedding less expensive for guests, according to Cassie Horrell, a wedding planner based in Pittsburgh.
3. Be up front with your wedding party
Informing members of the wedding party and other close friends well in advance about what they can expect to pay for a bachelor party abroad or to rent a tuxedo or have their makeup done helps them decide if they can participate, Hargrove says.
4. Don’t take it personally if a guest cannot attend
If a friend or relative says they cannot attend a pre-wedding event or the wedding itself due to cost, respond in a kind and gracious way, Hargrove advises.
For guests
1. Share costs with friends
If the cost of attending a wedding is too high, consider dividing it with a group of friends, says Esther Lee, a deputy editor and wedding expert for The Knot.
2. It’s OK to skip some events
If you want to stay on budget, it’s OK to skip some events and choose to attend the ones you think will be the most meaningful for the person getting married.
3. Save money on your wardrobe
Renting a dress or a tux from online websites may be less expensive than buying clothes you’ll hardly ever wear.
4. Be transparent with your friends
You don’t need to feel ashamed if you cannot afford to attend the wedding of a loved one, Hargrove said. Being honest about the reason why you won’t be there can help prevent negative feelings or misunderstandings.
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