Why we may all be responsible for what happened to Emman Atienza
When everyone seems to be trapped by the unimaginable speed and noise of our hyper-connected world, the news of the loss of a young soul, Emmanuelle “Emman” Atienza, only 19 years old, allows us to take a break, pause, and reflect not just on the inevitability of death, but on the ways we are building our world for ourselves and for the next generation.
After her mother, Felicia Atienza, confirmed it on Instagram, social media was flooded with messages of condolences and sympathies from friends and fans alike who were influenced by Emman. As a social media influencer, she became relatable to the young generation her age with her honest opinions about herself and the kind of culture that she could not escape as a young adult. Her honesty and transparency on social media, particularly regarding her mental health, became the starting point of some speculations about her death. But why and how Emman really died is none of our business.
Emman’s honesty and transparency about her mental health opens a broader discussion about how social media shapes young people’s well-being, providing spaces that can both support and harm them. But her story also invites us to remain careful when giving hasty judgments about perceived institutional failures of these modern social systems.
Social media became an avenue where she freely expressed herself and helped other young people make sense of their own messy experiences in life. Unfortunately, it is the same platform that brought back her old wounds from those experiences.
The school also failed to protect Emman from bullying. While the burden to address bullying should not just rest on the shoulders of the school, we must nudge our school system to do whatever it takes to protect children from bullying, especially during their formative school years. When the school fails, students have nowhere to run. Emman was bullied in her school at the age of 13.
But in most cases, the most glaring failure comes from the family. I say this not to blame Emman’s family. I am referring to the family as a social system. I think that we are all trapped in what the South Korean philosopher Byung Chul-han described as the “achievement society.”
Most of us are guilty of allowing our family members, children, or adults to be taken care of by strangers because we are busy chasing dreams and building our careers. We tend to rationalize this behavior by arguing that our actions are “for the future of our family.” From Emman’s story, she grew up with her “yaya” during her formative years— slapped in bed, locked in a closet, and made to believe myths to control her behavior. At the age of 3, she even watched pornographic shows on screen without proper guidance. In other words, she grew up being taken care of and disciplined by a stranger who may not even be aware that the strategies she used in raising Emman would later affect her mental health.
This situation has become rampant in the Philippines in recent years, not only among upper-class families who can afford to pay household helpers but also among children of poor families left behind by overseas Filipino workers. Those children are fortunate if they grew up with family members who show genuine concern, but in most cases, they do not. Lack of education and extreme poverty often prevent most parents from understanding the consequences of not properly raising a child.
While we continuously find ways to shield our people from being depressed, we must also find ways to change the way we live in our society today. The problems cannot be located in the individuals alone, but also in the kind of social systems we all allow to perpetuate. In this sense, we are all guilty of Emman’s death.
RICKY ROSALES,
rrrosales@up.edu.ph
