Crying over spilled milk
I’ve been told that there is no use “crying over spilled milk.”
While scrolling through the internet, I came across this idiom. Not knowing what it meant, I naturally searched and found different interpretations of that statement. One said, “To cry over something so small like spilled milk is a sign of fragility and weakness.” Others would beg to differ, saying “crying lets out your emotions and expresses what you feel.” These opinions clashed in my mind, defending their sides and making their point. But thinking it over, I asked myself: What exactly should we do after crying?
I remember when I was young, I was extremely quick to cry. That was because I was swift to break anything put into my hands or anything in my vicinity. With my clumsiness, I became afraid because of the scolding and lashes of the belt that were to follow. And oftentimes, I forget to clean the mess of the shattered pieces that slipped from my hand. I failed to realize that I needed to take responsibility for my clutter.
The broken pieces are like spilled milk; they take time to be cleaned. It requires acceptance, healing, and a huge amount of forgiveness. Forgiveness not only for others, but also for yourself.
At that time, I didn’t believe that crying made the situation better. It just felt like I had to become what was in the environment at that moment. I discovered that crying never really did anything for me. It didn’t make me feel better; it felt like storing the grief I felt in a library in my mind. I understood that the reason crying never did anything to me was not because it was ineffective, but because I failed to process it healthily and learn to move on safely.
As I got older, I also realized that dismissing your emotions isn’t a solution, it’s a suppression of your own freedom. Swallowing grief gets harder the more it happens, and it’s unhealthy.
Crying is not so much of a solution. It is an acceptance of our imperfections.
It sounds so harsh to silence someone to stop crying, with the exception of infants who always cry. We have grown into this reality where tears are seen as weakness. Additionally, the adults in our society would repeatedly say, “In our time, we weren’t this sensitive. It’s because of your phones and the internet.” And no, this is not true. We have progressed from this idea, and the strictness of suppressing your emotions backfires in the long run.
If we do not know how to process our emotions, the ones who will suffer more are not us, but the generation ahead. Generational trauma is real, and many are products of it. Who will break that cycle?
To cry over spilled milk is not a form of sensitivity; it is a release and a human act of acknowledging what you feel. Before jumping to any negative conclusion about ourselves, we must know what we feel to recognize and process it. Being aware of the things that have hurt us leads us to a path of healthy healing and peace.
We have our own personal struggles on why we stay crying: a harsh breakup, a bad grade, and all other problems we might have. But it could also be because of fear: fear of being dismissed; fear of overreacting; or the fear of no actual solution from your tears. Crying is one of the only areas where words are needless. No explanation and no actions. Your tears will speak for themselves.
One day, when the glass is too full, the milk inside will eventually spill little by little. Until the glass eventually falls to the ground and all the milk is out on the floor. Every tear kept behind the eyes would be shed in a breakdown. That would hurt more than any other cry, no matter how small it may seem. Taking care of our emotions is also important because they matter as much as you.
And now, as I reflect on the many times I cried, I feel it was late for me to realize that I needed time to move forward. That a healthy release is not only for me, but for the people around me. Everyone deserves to be heard, and people need to be reached out. Spilled milk is not rushed to be wiped or left to spoil. It is meant to be slowly dried with the help of others. The problems on which you cry deserve to be known. There is nothing to be afraid of asking for help and reaching out to others.
I hope we forgive ourselves for the many times we bottle all our pains and anxieties. May we soon embrace who we are as imperfect human beings.
—————-
Simon Gabriel Plando, 16, a senior high school seminarian at Pope John XXIII Seminary. He seeks out the beauty in simplicity.
