The arms that hold and shape us

There was a time when love was simple.

It was walking beside my dad and instinctively holding his arm, like nothing bad could happen as long as I stayed close enough. It was lying in bed as a child and knowing that if I felt scared, or if I was about to cry, I could just look for my mom’s embrace and everything would feel quieter. Back then, safety was not something I understood. It was something I felt.

As we grow older, we start chasing independence like it is proof of strength. We start believing that needing less from our parents means we are becoming more of ourselves. We want to build lives that are ours alone. We want to make decisions without warnings, without reminders, without someone telling us what could go wrong. And for a while, that feels powerful.

As I approach my 20s, I can honestly say I have experienced a lot already. I have seen moments of success that made me feel proud of who I am becoming. I have gone through heartbreaks that made me question my worth. I have faced painful events, disappointments, and days where everything felt heavier than it should. I have also shared laughter, shared wins, and built memories with people I thought would stay in my life forever.

At the same time, I know I still have so many dreams to build. My ambition is still growing. I still want more for my life, career, the future I am building. But the truth is, everything I have achieved so far was never just me. I am here now because of them. I am proud of who I have become because of my parents.

From my perspective, my parents were always very busy, yet they were never unavailable to me or our loved ones. That’s the difference. They built businesses. They carried risks. They made decisions that affected not just themselves but our future. They were busy, but not the kind of busy that made me feel small or forgotten. They were busy building a life that could hold me safely inside it. And growing up around that shaped me more than I realized.

From my dad, I learned persistence in any way possible. From my mom, I learned wisdom and softness. There were times when life broke me in ways I did not expect. And in those moments, I learned the difference between people who are present during good seasons and people who stay even when you are not your best version. The world teaches you how to be strong. Parents remind you that you are still allowed to be soft. And that is something I carry with me now.

Years pass faster than we think. One day, we are children holding onto our parents without thinking. Next, we are building careers, building lives, choosing partners, and building futures. And I know I will choose that path one day. I know I will choose a future partner and build a home of my own.

When that time comes, I want to bring the kind of love I was raised with into that future home. I want security. I want consistency. I want safety. I want a partner who is aligned with my values, my ambitions, and the kind of life I am trying to build. A man who shows up with pure intentions, even in uncertain times, without being asked. Because love is not just about feeling good in the moment. It is about building something that can survive time.

Time is faster than we think. Ten years can pass in what feels like a blink. That is why we have to start thinking ahead now. For our careers. For the people we choose. For the lives we are building. But thinking ahead does not mean we have to have everything figured out all the time.

Because at home, we have two people who helped us figure life out long before we even understood what life really was. With them, we are allowed to be vulnerable.

At the end of the day, wherever we search for love, in people, in success, in experiences, or even within ourselves, sometimes we cannot fully find it there. Sometimes, it has always been at home.

And the hardest truth is that it will not always be there in the same way forever. Nothing really stays forever. The best thing we can do is give back while we still can. Appreciate loudly. Show up intentionally. Love them while we still have the chance to do it in real time, not just in memory.

Because no matter how independent we become, no matter how far we go, there will always be a version of us that just wants to go back to something simple.

To holding our dad’s arm. To falling into our mom’s embrace. And maybe growing up is not about leaving that behind.

It is about learning how to carry that kind of love into the rest of our lives.

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Ysabelle Bitanga, 19, curious about human emotions and behavior, learning thoughtfully from every experience.