Love stories and vows
June is no longer the “marrying-est” month for weddings in the Philippines (or in the United States, from whom we borrowed the notion that June should be the month of weddings). It seems that in the Philippines, we now prefer the cooler months from December to February.
No matter though—whatever the month, I’ve found myself regularly reading a section called “Vows” in The New York Times, subtitled “How couples got from dating to ‘I do,‘” which is almost embarrassing at times, especially when friends catch me reading and tease me about my new taste in reading.
I’m known more as the serious unsentimental nerd who considers marriage too sentimental. Even the long years of campaigning for same-sex marriage left me lukewarm: “Why imitate such a flawed institution when it often ends with domestic violence, separations, divorces, besides being marred by all kinds of social discrimination?”
I also felt there was so much social climbing in many weddings, with expensive affairs ending up as social competitions. If you must get married, I tell my kids, keep it simple and meaningful. I like reminding my kids, at the right time, as they’re growing up, that their Lolo and Lola (my parents) eloped because my mother’s side of the family was opposed to their relationship, yes, because of social differences. (Those who knew my parents are often surprised when they learn about this, especially because my mother was a convent school product.)
I never married, although I’ve had partners, and my children are all adopted. I’m pretty much a monogamist, serially (why does that sound like a serial killer?).
Now that I’m much older and, I hope, a bit wiser, I take a (secret) delight listening to love stories. I must admit I do admire what it takes to go into a marriage, and, more importantly, make it last. I love going to the Sunday Market at Eton Centris on Sundays, which seems to draw many older couples. It helps that they have a performing band whose repertoire goes back to the 1970s, just right for the gray- and white-haired ones.
Back now to The New York Times’ “Vows,” which does have an occasional element of the “sosyal” but in the right doses. The emphasis is not on the social register but on the love stories that led to tying the knot. You hear of accidental introductions, of failed first or second or third dates, of breakups (sometimes because of circumstances beyond the couple’s control), and second chances.
I enjoy the way the stories tell us about the 21st century’s new norms: people of different faiths and ethnicities coming together, of different life paths (and hey, you’ll find out scientists do fall in love too, and decide to marry). The photographs are so full of life, reflecting the many ingredients that go into life and love, with love stories that never end.
The norms have changed, for the better, with the timeline now including when the couple decides they like each other and when they move in together (can you imagine that appearing in a local wedding announcement?). I have yet to read a “Vows” feature where they actually mention whether the couple is gay or straight; it comes through naturally, especially in the photograph of the new couple.
“Vows” is about how two lives converge, making meaning, making sense. Sample love story titles: “She was sure about the man. Not so much about the dress.” “The Alchemist’ Brought Them Together.” Oh, here’s the story. The guy noticed the girl’s large collection of books and asked if she could recommend a good read. She chose ”The Alchemist” by Paolo Coelho, handing him a copy. He asked how he could return it, hoping that would give an opening for him and she answered, ”Just give it to a friend.” And he thought, oops, was she shutting him down?
She wasn’t, and he was somewhat inspired by a reference to an Arabic word, “maktub,” in the book. It means “it is written.” And indeed, it was.
Such a long love story. And there’s more. The couple adopted a dog, Leo, who ended up the ring bearer (go figure!), complete with a tux. (Yes, there’s a picture in the Times.)
I wonder if maybe someday we’ll have a similar feature in the Inquirer.
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michael.tan@inquirer.net
