Orbit
Living inside your head can sometimes feel like being in outer space. I have never been in space, but I have always imagined how lonely it is to float in a vacuum.
Remember when we were kids, we always played “imagine”? I went into different adventures and played pretend with my plush dog named “Lots-o’” as my sidekick. Sometimes it was about fighting pirates, flying across the sky, reaching the highest peak of a mountain, or sailing across the moon. It was always like a scene from a movie that leaves you on the edge of your seat. If I liked the adventure so much, I would take it to sleep, and the journey continued in my dream.
Playing pretend on your own was a natural thing to do as a child, until independence became a habit and I got used to doing things on my own. I did have adults around me—parents, an older brother, and teachers—to ask for help from if a new concept came to me. Often, math problems that I hated as a kid because numbers were never my strongest suit. Growing up in a low-income family came with a lot of challenges; the idea of struggling did not mean so much to me as a kid, as I knew we had always lived like that. Moving houses because rent was getting expensive was nothing new to me; changing schools and adapting to a new environment was a survival skill I had to learn. Often, being a loner at the start of every school year was nothing new to me either, but luckily, some people became friends along the way. Until I had to leave again.
When you’re forced to leave things behind, you have no option but to stop having expectations in life. That includes relationships and friendships, and in yourself as well. I stopped caring about what could happen, and solitude became a norm, being alone was a trait, and independence was something I became proud of. Some kids asked questions to their parents, but I did not have to because I figured it out on my own, and adults around me applauded that kind of maturity in a young child.
Being called “mature for your age” stuck with me until I grew up and realized I did that because I had no choice. The innocence of play pretend only lasted for a short time because I had to grow up and understand the weight of life. If other kids had the chance to question, I simply chose not to because that would mean I was making myself important rather than the bills that needed to be paid and the adults that needed to work to make ends meet.
There was no room for conversation but to simply understand that sacrifices had to be made and emotions had to be compartmentalized so that everyone in the household could carry the same weight of hardship. There’s a character that I could somehow relate to called Ryland Grace from the book and movie called “Project Hail Mary.” He was sent to space against his will, forcing the authorities to erase his memory. He woke up on the ship, having to figure out why he was sent there and save the sun from dimming, that will destroy life on Earth. Along his journey, he met an alien rock that shared the same problem with their sun dying. They must find a solution to save both Ryland’s Earth and Rocky’s planet.
Ryland’s character was not heroic, stoic, or brave. If anything, he was scared of death and too much of a coward to sacrifice himself to save humanity. But he was brave enough to admit that he was scared. I would not have the guts to tell myself that sometimes it’s hard to face things alone.
And sometimes being alone doesn’t mean being thrown in space by yourself or orbiting into an unknown galaxy. Sometimes it’s not knowing who you are, despite spending so much time trying to build an identity for yourself. Sometimes, it’s not having someone to talk to when things get confusing. Sometimes, it’s questioning what exactly I am here for.
Solitude and independence are not bad. They are important as they teach us how to stand on our own feet. You will have to endure things alone and get through life alone, but you don’t always have to. The story of Ryland and Rocky showed how, if there’s anything more powerful than a supernova, it is the connection that we share with others, including extraterrestrials.
In science, water acts as a universal solvent for sustaining biological processes in the universe. To sustain life, connection simply becomes the liquid that we need. Companionship is just as important as being able to stand on your own. Because no matter where we are—below ground or above the stars—we are not meant to be alone.
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Xena Villegas, 22, currently orbiting and navigating life.
