Do not ban workplace romance

Many companies ban workplace romance.

A bank officer tells me of employees who developed a relationship and eventually colluded in theft. The owner of a retail firm cites nepotism, where their married sales head favored the underling he was having an affair with, even if her competence was in question. A school principal says that when teachers fall in love with their students, sexual harassment may be a risk.

Romantic liaisons at work can indeed cause harm, particularly when they lead to undue advantage, power imbalance, favoritism. But sometimes, romantic relationships can be beneficial.

JR, a vice president in a marketing company, tells me that when she fell in love with her colleague, work became more exciting and fulfilling.

“Aside from the kilig factor,” she says, “we shared a common goal—to maximize projected targets and ensure visibility for products whose quality we believe in. Luckily, HR did not have rules against going into relationships.”

JR and her husband intend to work at the company until retirement.

Partners who are happy at home and at work are a boon to the company.

In a 2003 study, researchers Charles Pierce and Herman Aguinis state: “Employees’ attitudes toward romance and sexual intimacy at work and levels of perceived job autonomy are positively associated with their participation in a workplace romance; and employees’ participation in a workplace romance is positively associated with their levels of job satisfaction and, to a lesser degree, organizational commitment.”

Pierce, together with Katherine Karl and Eric Brey, argue that less restrictive policies on office relationships are more attractive to employees, who prefer a more open and fairer workplace.

In a 2012 study, they state: “Perceived fairness of stipulations in an organization’s romance policy and procedures may signal to job seekers the degree to which the organization would be a fun place to work, provide person-organization fit, and be attractive to pursue as an employer. Thus, with respect to managing workplace romances proactively via policies and procedures, organizations should consider [these] perceptions.”

For me, the most cogent reason against relationship bans is simple: it does not work.

A 2023 Forbes Advisor survey of 2,000 employed Americans revealed that more than 60 percent have or had an office romance, with 43 percent leading to marriage.

“You’re over two times more likely to marry a coworker than someone from a dating site or an app,” says Forbes.

Birds of the same feather flock together, with proximity the main factor in forming relationships. Employees cite lack of time to pursue romance outside the office, and as illustrated by JR and her husband, shared workplace experiences can cement the bond.

“Romantic relationships will continue to blossom between coworkers, and there is nothing companies can do to stop that,” say management consultants Ian MacRae and Adrian Furnham in “Myths of Work.”

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“Draconian rules often lead to gossip, slander, rumors and secrecy. Corporate policy cannot eliminate romantic entanglements from the workplace. Open and adult policies can acknowledge that romantic relationships happen, and define which are acceptable and which are inappropriate. Employers cannot ensure relationships are happy, but should explicitly prohibit exploitative sexual relationships, draw a hard line against workplace harassment, and make it clear that using power imbalances to pursue romance will not be tolerated.”

Decades ago, a student of mine who joined our faculty after graduation asked permission to sit in one of my classes in another department. He had a very good friend who was in that section.

Since she was not his student (or under his power in any way), he was not taking the class for credit or audit, and I found them both levelheaded, I allowed him to do so.

He shared a lot of insights while sitting in the class, which enriched the experience for everyone, including the rest of the students.

I became ninang at their wedding, and they remain happily married today.

Queena N. Lee-Chua is with the board of directors of Ateneo’s Family Business Center. Get her book “All in the Family Business” at Lazada or Shopee, or the ebook at Amazon, Google Play, Apple iBooks. Contact the author at blessbook.chua@gmail.com.