To listen, first be silent
Question: My wife and I argue over money constantly. I complain that she has an unending stream of deliveries from online sellers, the cost of which is eating into our budget. She easily blows through thousands of pesos when she goes to the beauty salon. To be fair, however, she complains that when I buy stuff for myself, though they may be infrequent, they cost a lot as well—like gadgets. She even claims that even if my haircuts are not that expensive, I go to my barber more often than she goes to the salon. In the end, I spend as much as her. How can we resolve these “he said, she said” battles?
Answer: Did you see what I did with the title of this article? The words listen and silent have the exact same letters. That is because we truly need to listen and not just hear the point of view of another person to understand them better and act in a more effective way. But to truly listen, we need to first be silent.
Listening is a virtue. If you are just waiting for your opening to launch your counterpoint while the other person is speaking, you are just hearing. Hearing is good because it makes you aware. But listening leads to understanding why things are the way they are.
Listening can apply to business as well as to family life because, after all, both realms involve human interaction.
The prompt “sell me this pen” is recognized from the 2013 film “The Wolf of Wall Street.” In the movie, Leonardo DiCaprio’s character uses the prompt to assess the sales skills of potential stockbrokers. But the origins of the prompt are traceable back to Zig Ziglar, a prominent sales trainer and motivational speaker who used the prompt to evaluate the selling skills of his students.
The best way to “sell a pen” is not to focus on the qualities of the pen but on the needs of the person to whom one is selling the pen. And if you can position the pen as an instrument that can answer the (writing) needs of the person, that person will want to buy that pen. But you first need to listen to the needs of the person and be silent with the features of the pen and the motive you have for selling the pen, which is to earn money.
In our company, we created our own “pen”—the country’s first and only financial planning calculator that covers all of the financial planning needs of any Filipino using the latest Philippine regulations. But that tool would be useless if we did not train people on how to first draw out the financial planning needs of potential clients and use the calculator as a mere tool in helping those clients attain their financial goals. That is why we also train people in behavioral economics.
Going back to your question, practice humility and listen to the needs of your wife. I guarantee that if she sees you listening to her, she will start listening to you as well. And when you both become more open to each other, you will be in a better position to plan for your financial future.
I tell you; any financial planner can easily say that you should create a budget for the family and leave an allowance for each of your spending wants that cannot be questioned by the other. But it is in getting to that point where the challenge lies.
You will find this funny but no less than a famous girl band picked up on the need to listen and made it into a popular song. The group is Spice Girls and the song is “Wannabe.” The song starts with, “Yo, I’ll tell you what I want what I really, really want. So, tell me what you want what you really, really want.”
Be silent to listen.
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Efren Ll. Cruz is a registered financial planner and director at RFP Philippines, seasoned investment adviser, bestselling author of personal finance books in the Philippines and a YAMAN coach. To consult with a YAMAN coach, email yaman@personalfinance.ph. To learn more about personal financial planning, attend the 108th RFP Program this October 2024. To inquire, e-mail info@rfp.ph or text 09176248110.
