Broken traditions, unbroken spirit
The previous holiday season was the first time I didn’t get to celebrate with my entire family. On Christmas Eve, my 9-year-old and I had fun imperfectly building a model kitchen while I finished some work. We had planned to watch Christmas movies together and open presents at midnight. My son spent the evening with his father and grandparents instead.
My daughter chose to stay with me. A fan of Lemony Snicket’s “A Series of Unfortunate Events” on Netflix, she was ecstatic to receive my gift: the complete set of books. As we watched the Baudelaire orphans face one unfortunate event after another, Violet Baudelaire’s line—“Better than nothing”—struck a chord with us both.
As 2024 ended, I found myself reflecting on life’s unpredictable twists. Last year tested us in ways we couldn’t have anticipated, but we made it through. I wondered how other women navigate the challenge of spending the holidays in a divided household.
Finding family in the unexpected
Sheena (not her real name), 48, separated from her abusive husband in 2020 during the pandemic. That first holiday season apart, she said, wasn’t as hard as she feared, thanks to the presence of her yaya, who had been with her since birth and whom she considered family.
“She tempered the depression,” Sheena shared. “But not having all four children with me was still heartbreaking. I mostly spent the time watching movies or sleeping in.”
Months later, Sheena’s yaya died, leaving her to spend the holidays alone in subsequent years. “My parents died when I was in my early 20s, so every time someone does something nice for me, no matter how small, I value it deeply,” she said.
Sheena and her estranged husband initially coparented informally, but she often felt sidelined in decisions. “Most of the time, his family’s decisions were final. Since I’m not confrontational, I just let things be. Neighbors would knock on my door, inviting me to join them for Noche Buena or Media Noche.”
One time, her daughter asked to spend the holidays with her twin brother, who was staying at her father’s house. “I wouldn’t be able to speak to or see him for three years and six months,” Sheena recalled. Yet she granted her daughter’s wish, believing her children’s decisions mattered so the siblings could all spend time together. This meant she would always end up alone during the holidays.
Over the years, her two younger children sometimes chose to stay with her, but it wasn’t until a court order provided a clear schedule that things became manageable. “One of us would spend Christmas with the kids, and the other would have New Year’s, alternating for birthdays,” she said. While difficult at first, therapy helped her children adapt to the arrangement.
Does it get easier? “No, but I’ve trained myself to feel less and think about the situation less. I planned activities for myself. Caring for our pets was a big help. Four chirping birds, a feisty rabbit, and a funny, huggable dog became my family. They made it easier to spend the holidays alone. Therapy and support from loving people also helped me process everything with a clear mind,” Sheena said.
From pain to peace
For Patty (not her real name), her first solo holiday season came when her mom was with her mahjong friends, and her estranged husband and his family went to Europe with their daughters. Her 6-year-old could have stayed with her, but Patty let her go.
“Friends invited me out, but I chose to stay home and soak in the tub with spiritual music,” she said. “I felt what my husband wanted me to feel—the consequence of a ruined family. I told my girls I was fine, which I truly was, by God’s grace.”
Patty turned to faith for strength, fusing her struggles with the agony of Jesus. “I offered my pain for God’s purposes, accepting it as penance for my sins. This brought me peace and even a sense of honor in my suffering. God’s presence filled the void, freeing me from the fear of being alone and defenseless.”
Instead of wishing for luck in the new year, Patty put her faith in divine providence: “Thy will be done. I put my whole trust in You.”
Through prayer, she found peace, forgiveness, and joy. “The lessons from the Book of 24 Hours of the Passion taught me to unite my suffering with Jesus,’ exchanging my pain for His grace,” she said.
Women like Sheena and Patty inspire me. Even though I didn’t spend New Year’s Eve with my children for the first time, they remain my grounding force. They’ve matured faster than they should have, but we are healing together.
Here’s to a new year of hope, justice, and brighter days. May 2025 help us find strength in ourselves, family in the unexpected, and goodness in our everyday lives.
