Doing a Kim Kardashian in New Orleans

A wrought-iron balcony, doesn't have columns —PHOTOS BY CATHERINE LOU ALBINO

I started watching “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” during the pandemic, and I got so hooked that I binge-watched all the seasons starting from Season 1. I found it fascinating because it’s both relatable and completely unrelatable at the same time. You see this rich family doing everyday stuff, things everyone does, but in an expensive, elaborate, over-the-top way.

There was one episode where Kim Kardashian and her friend Jonathan Cheban (aka Foodgod) went on an overnight trip to New Orleans just for a food adventure. They probably flew on Kim’s private jet, Kim Air. That episode instantly put New Orleans on my bucket list.

Another show that cemented it for me was “American Horror Story: Coven,” Ryan Murphy’s show about witches that was filmed in New Orleans. It’s dark, moody, mysterious, and somehow enchanting.

One day, while I was ordering food on my phone, I saw an ad pop up for cheap flights to New Orleans. I clicked out of curiosity. Round trip ticket from LA to New Orleans for $98. What?! My food order was already over $100 (I was stocking up for the week), and this flight was cheaper. I had to look into it.

A wrought-iron gallery. A gallery has columns

Of course, the $98 price meant no frills. You’re really just paying for a random seat. If you want to choose your seat, that’s extra. Want to bring a carry-on? Also extra. Basically, all you’re allowed is a personal item. Who even travels like that?

Me, apparently. The $98 ticket was just too good a deal to pass up. I realized I could actually do a Kim K and go on an overnight trip to New Orleans, just not in a private jet, obviously. But still, why not?

I booked the flight and started planning. I booked a hotel, made reservations at the restaurants Kim went to (of course), booked a walking tour that covered “American Horror Story” filming locations, and got a ticket to the WWII Museum, which I read is one of the best. I figured I needed something educational to balance out the Hollywood fangirling.

When I finalized everything, I had to laugh. If the Kardashians can do regular stuff the rich way, then I can do rich stuff the regular way. So that makes us equals … right?

The flights were perfect. I would leave LAX just before midnight and arrive early in New Orleans. I’d have two full days to explore before flying back Saturday night. I didn’t even need to take time off work, I’d just use my regular days off.

Another win? I scored a downtown hotel at the same price as the one I had originally booked that was farther out. Total upgrade.

In true Hollywood fashion, my Lyft driver to LAX told me he was a movie director. (Of course. LA.) As we approached the terminals and passed the airline signs, he asked, “American Airlines?”

I grinned. “Spirit! That’s why I don’t have bags!”

It was a four-hour flight. My only real concern was getting claustrophobic without an aisle seat. But hey, that’s what meds are for. And it’s a short flight. I convinced myself to suck it up.

Guess what? I lucked out. Seat 8C. Aisle. Front. Apparently, if you don’t have a carry-on and don’t pay for seat selection, they stick you up front so they can board you last and unload you first. A rare Spirit Airlines win.

Once I landed, I looked up how to ride the streetcar. It’s one of the oldest continuously operating street railways in the world. I wanted to ride it downtown, especially the scenic St. Charles Avenue line.

I downloaded the Transit app and learned that I needed to ride the bus first to get to Union Station, then transfer to the streetcar. It was still early, and a few homeless folks were just waking up at the station.

The driver told me she’d drop me off where I could catch the St. Charles line. But I couldn’t find it, not even with the help of a kind stranger. I wandered around, debating whether to keep searching or head to my first food stop.

A hotel bell girl greeted me and asked how I was doing. “Well, I’m lost,” I said, explaining I wanted a scenic streetcar ride.

She smiled. “You can’t get lost on that thing. Which route?” She described all three and said they were scenic. I just boarded the first one I saw.

Let’s just say the streetcar experience was fun, but the “scenic view”? Meh. I live in Orange County. We kind of have that covered.

Beignets

I made my way to Café Du Monde to try Kim’s favorite beignets. The place was packed. A live jazz band played outside, adding to the vibe. I arrived just before a line formed and got seated quickly.

The menu is simple: beignets only. Each order comes with three large beignets, which were perfect for one person. They were delicious, crispy outside, fluffy inside, and piled with powdered sugar. I planned to buy a box at the airport to bring home. Yes, they sell them at the airport, too!

After Café Du Monde, I strolled over to Jackson Square and stepped inside the historic St. Louis Cathedral, the oldest continuously operating cathedral in the US. I checked how far my hotel was, and to my surprise, it was within walking distance.

I checked in and took a quick nap, setting my alarm for 1 p.m., just in time for lunch at Dooky Chase’s Restaurant, another Kim K food spot.

I ordered seafood gumbo over rice, shrimp creole for my main course, and peach cobbler for dessert. Honestly? Creole cuisine might not be for me. It was probably good, just not to my taste. A coworker had actually told me to skip Dooky Chase’s, but would I take her advice over Kim K’s? The peach cobbler was decent, especially with the scoop of vanilla ice cream offered by the friendly waiter.

After lunch, I wandered back downtown toward the French Quarter for my Witchcraft, Voodoo, and Ghost tour. Since I was early, I roamed the streets, admiring the European-style architecture, those iconic wrought-iron balconies and galleries. At 3:45 p.m., I headed to Hex, a voodoo and witchcraft shop that served as the meeting spot. There, I met Jamie, our guide and a practicing witch, along with other tourists.

Hex, the meeting place for the “Witchcraft”, “Voodoo”, and “Ghost tour.”

Jamie kicked off the tour by drawing a symbol on the pavement in front of the shop and spraying it with a potion. It was, she said, to protect us from any spirits who might try to follow. She was an animated storyteller, packing so much fascinating (and creepy) history into just under an hour.

The symbol Jamie drew to protect the group from ghosts

She explained that like Australia, New Orleans has origins as a place where those considered “undesirable” by colonial powers were sent. The French deported prisoners, vagrants, and other marginalized individuals to Louisiana. Many of these men were tricked into marrying prostitutes, what Jamie cheekily called “women of negotiable affection,” with promises of land and prosperity that never really materialized.

Jamie showed us the French Ursuline Convent of Our Lady of Prompt Succor, which she clearly admired. She made clever connections between Catholicism, voodoo, and witchcraft, noting how the nuns grew medicinal herbs, essentially potions, and attributed miracles to prayer and devotion. One such miracle was a massive fire that destroyed most of the neighborhood but mysteriously stopped right at the convent’s block.

Next, we toured three filming locations from “American Horror Story: Coven,” including a corner property connected to the infamous Madame LaLaurie, whose cruelty inspired Kathy Bates’ character in the series. According to Jamie, the real-life LaLaurie tortured enslaved people in her home. The horrors were exposed after one woman, chained in the kitchen, set the house on fire in protest. LaLaurie fled and was never caught.

The property is now said to be financially cursed. Actor Nicolas Cage once bought it, and not long after, was hit with IRS troubles that forced him to sell. He still owns one property in New Orleans, though—his pyramid-shaped tombstone, which is protected by law and off-limits to seizure.

The tour ended back at the Hex shop.

On my walk back to my hotel, I passed a shop selling frozen daiquiris to go. I couldn’t resist. I drank it all the way to the hotel.

Cemetery tour

The following day, I joined a cemetery tour in the morning, because now I had to see Nicolas Cage’s tomb. Our guide, Zelda, was just as funny and knowledgeable as Jamie. I started learning more about cemetery traditions. For instance, Zelda said tombs in New Orleans can’t be reopened until at least a year has passed. This practice began during the yellow fever pandemic when officials believed the disease could linger with the dead, spreading it further.

The author (left) with Jamie. When taking photos with a witch, you don’t say “cheese,” you say “broom.”

She also explained the “perpetual care” package—tombs that have it are maintained forever by the Catholic Church. The difference between those tombs and the neglected ones was like night and day.

We eventually saw Nicolas Cage’s pyramid tomb. Zelda joked that the only thing in there for now is Cage’s acting career, because yes, he’s still alive. We also visited the tomb of Marie Laveau, the legendary Voodoo Queen of New Orleans. Zelda said it’s one of the most visited gravesites in the US, second only to Elvis Presley’s. Visitors often leave offerings or make a wish, believing it will come true. Over time, the offerings became too much to manage, which is why the cemetery now requires accredited tour guides to enter.

The tomb of Nicolas Cage. Because he’s still alive, the only thing in there for now is his acting career, says the tour guide.

After the tour, I returned to my hotel to freshen up and check out before heading to my last Kim K food stop: Bourbon House. Naturally, I ordered her favorite, crab fingers, listed on the menu as Louisiana Crab Claw Bordelaise, and they were so good. No wonder she orders two!

Bourbon House’s crab fingers and oysters

I also tried the raw oysters (which were huge, I actually prefer smaller ones) and the Redfish on the Half Shell, which was also delicious. For drinks, I went for their Frozen Bourbon Milk Punch. It was worth the wait. I was so full I had no room for dessert.

The last stop on my itinerary was the WWII Museum, a 20-minute walk from the restaurant. My legs were tired and I was a little tipsy, so I didn’t want to risk getting sick in a car. I walked instead. I enjoy walking and taking in the sights.

I had booked a ticket for the museum’s 4D documentary and an additional show. Unfortunately, I ended up napping through both. The 4D experience would occasionally jolt me awake with seat vibrations during explosions. Otherwise, I might have hit REM.

The museum is massive; they even offer a two-day pass. Knowing I didn’t have time for everything, I focused on the sections I found most interesting, mainly the planes and a submarine simulation room. The restored aircraft hanging from the ceiling was impressive.

I took a Lyft to the airport and boarded my flight back to LA, still feeling like I’d just pulled off my very own Kardashian adventure, just with more powdered sugar and fewer designer bags.

As we took off, I looked out the window at the fading lights of New Orleans. I had come here chasing TV moments and witch stories, and somehow ended up with so much more.

It wasn’t a luxury trip, but I’m not lying when I say I did a Kim K. I didn’t have a glam squad, but I had my itinerary, some good shoes, and a small backpack. I didn’t need a fortune to live out a rich man’s experience— just a few good deals, a little courage, and some delusion.