From despair to self-care: Learning to thrive in a toxic environment
After a series of emotional upheavals, I was spent. I felt like a cockroach that had been stepped on repeatedly, its guts spilling out this way and that.
By the grace of God, after many years, I somehow managed to survive with remnants of myself sort of intact. But it’s no way to live; I have children to care for. I need to model strength and resilience without normalizing this dysfunctional way of living. We deserve better.
The veil has been pierced; we no longer live in the matrix but in the grim light of truth. But is mutating the only way to adapt? Can we still thrive within a toxic environment?
Whether you’re a parent, child, partner or leader, everything starts with the self. It’s the foundation of being. My friend Melissa Tong posted this on her feed, about how we should love ourselves first. She added details to a free Zoom class by her mentor, Lia Bernardo, PhD, founder and lead educator of Atma Prema. This group makes corporate well-being programs concentrating on anxiety and burnout prevention.
“This is what got me to where I am today,” wrote Tong. “Just listen and enjoy the energy in this safe space.”
I had but an hour to lose, so I hopped on the Zoom call. Bernardo started with a non-ecumenical song about light. I thought it was a bit woo-woo, but I decided to stay open.
Frequency
She explained that all energy is measured through frequency, and self-love is measured through it.
“Your frequency will gauge how much love you are giving yourself. How you respond to your outer world is just a reflection of your inner world. You hold in the light, just like a light bulb,” said Bernardo.
Then, she presented a vibrational scale of consciousness. It had shades of the film “Inside Out,” with emotions ranging from the highest frequency of enlightenment, peace, joy, love, reason, acceptance, willingness, neutrality, courage, and pride, anger, desire, fear, grief and apathy, to guilt and shame on the lowest levels.
Bernardo unpacked her teaching method. First, move. We release happy hormones when we exercise. She mentioned a walking meditation, but for the session’s purposes, she had participants dance to Taylor Swift’s “Shake It Off.”
Second, learn. Our self-esteem gets a boost when we learn something new.
Third, grow. We experience growth when we connect to a spiritual source, God, or get deep into meditation.
Fourth, create. Visualizing how we want to get from point A to B by writing or drawing our plan to get to our destination is a powerful way to achieve our goals.
Lastly, share. When we spread the word and teach others what we’ve learned, we gain mastery.
“Self-love comprises your thoughts, beliefs, actions and behavior toward yourself. It is how you treat yourself, talk to yourself, understand and trust yourself. It is the way you nurture all that you are,” she said. “When you are loving yourself, you are just being you. Self-love is being okay with being yourself.”
Self-love vs selfishness
She said that without self-love, there is no authenticity. There is no you because you lose yourself in your external world. With self-love, you shine in your world, become the hero of your story and create a world where you are supported, cherished and appreciated.
“Choose the world you would like to live in—a world where you are sacrificing and suffering in the name of love or where love celebrates your authenticity and those with whom you share your world,” said Bernardo. “Your greatest responsibility is to love yourself and to know you are enough.”
She quickly explained that self-love is different from selfishness, saying that we love ourselves because love is our true nature; it is the very essence of who we are.
Bernardo added that in denying who you are or adjusting who you are to please another, you are negating the very nature of your soul. You negate yourself, you betray you. She admitted that these are strong words, because the repercussions of self-denial are so completely damaging to one’s existence.
She went on to discuss the stages of self-love: self-nurturing (where you should nurture your well-being, liberate what doesn’t serve you, curate and keep what should stay, then carefully choose to allow only what makes you happy), self-acceptance and self-sovereignty.
On boundaries, she gave an example of how she doesn’t work past 4 pm or accept dinner invitations because of the possible negative frequencies they can bring. She doesn’t enjoy going to a loud bar or bustling restaurant but would like a quiet dinner at a friend’s home. Bernardo explained that those who love her will understand and accept these boundaries she’s drawn for herself, and she does the same for others.
That resonated with me, as I prefer quiet time before bed to let go of stressors. My children are the same, too; after nighttime prayers and talking about our day, they like ending with something positive like a short, funny video from when they were babies, listening to an anecdote from my childhood, or sharing what made them happy that day.
I learned that when I put my foot down to establish my boundaries, and someone pries my foot back up to ignore it, that is disrespect. It does not honor or value me; I have to let go.
Book a discovery call with Lia Bernardo to receive a copy of the “Love Yourself First” e-booklet at tel. no. (0917) 555-5675.
