How parents can support their overachiever children
Academic burnout is real, and those aiming for laude standing can be particularly prone to it if they’re not careful.
“It’s essential for students to remember that while Latin honors are a commendable achievement, their worth is not solely defined by academic success,” said Rea Celine Villa, senior psychiatrist at mental health technology company Mind You. “Balancing academics with self-care, seeking support when needed and maintaining healthy relationships are crucial for overall well-being. Success in life is multifaceted, and mental health should always be a priority.”
College comes with pressure in a variety of forms, like cultural expectations, societal norms and the importance placed on education. Villa explained that pressure can be a powerful motivator. When students feel a healthy level of pressure, it can encourage them to set goals, stay focused and work hard to achieve their best. It also builds resilience, helping them develop confidence and the ability to handle future stress more effectively.
Pressure also pushes students out of their comfort zones, leading to personal growth as they discover their strengths and weaknesses, learn to manage time, set priorities and develop problem-solving skills. Additionally, she said, experiencing and managing pressure in school can help prepare students for the demands of the workplace and adult life, where they’ll need to meet deadlines, handle responsibilities, and navigate various expectations.
Chronic stress
But Villa warned that there are definitely drawbacks. “When pressure becomes constant and unrelenting, it can lead to chronic stress. This is harmful because it can cause anxiety, making it difficult for students to focus, sleep and even enjoy their daily activities.”
She added, “If students feel that nothing less than perfection is acceptable, the pressure can become paralyzing.”
According to her, students might feel compelled to sacrifice their physical and mental health—like not getting enough sleep, skipping meals or isolating themselves from friends—which can lead to serious health issues, including depression, anxiety disorders and physical illnesses.
Villa added that excessive pressure can strain relationships with family, friends and even teachers. “Students might become irritable, withdrawn or overly competitive, leading to conflicts or a sense of isolation. Students may also lose their love for learning. What once might have been an enjoyable subject or activity can become a source of dread. This can rob students of the joy that comes from discovering new things and achieving personal growth.
“The key is to find a balance where pressure is motivating but not overwhelming. Maintaining balance and seeking support are crucial to ensuring that pressure remains a positive influence in students’ lives. Students, families and educators should work together to create an environment that encourages striving for excellence while also prioritizing well-being.”
Managing pressure
She emphasized the importance of self-awareness among students, encouraging them to recognize when pressure is becoming too much. “They need to listen to their bodies and minds, taking breaks when needed and seeking help when they feel overwhelmed.”
Redefining success to include not just academic achievement but also personal growth, mental health and happiness can likewise help students manage pressure more effectively, she added. “Encouraging them to pursue a well-rounded life, where they balance work and play, can lead to more sustainable success.”
Additionally, families and educators should maintain open lines of communication with students, offering support rather than just focusing on results. “It’s important to create a safe space where students can express their concerns without fear of judgment.
“In the Filipino context, achieving academic goals is often a family endeavor, deeply rooted in cultural values and communal support,” said Villa, who cited some healthy approaches that parents and students can adopt:
1. Provide support rather than pressure. While Filipino families value academic success highly, it’s essential to differentiate support from undue pressure. Encouragement should focus on effort and improvement rather than solely on results. Instead of saying, “You must top your class,” parents might say, “We see how hard you’re studying, and we’re proud of your dedication.”
2. Set realistic and achievable goals. Establishing attainable objectives prevents burnout and fosters a sense of accomplishment. Goals should consider the student’s capabilities and well-being. If a student struggles in mathematics, the goal could be to improve their grade by a certain percentage rather than expecting an immediate top score.
3. Emphasize a balanced lifestyle. Academic pursuits should not overshadow other aspects of life. Encouraging participation in extracurricular activities, social interactions and relaxation is vital for holistic development. Parents can encourage their children to join school clubs or spend time with friends, reinforcing that leisure is as important as study.
4. Celebrate small achievements. Recognizing and appreciating minor successes boosts confidence and motivation. It reinforces the idea that progress is a journey composed of many small steps. Praising improvements like a better quiz score or consistent homework completion can be uplifting for students.
5. Avoid comparisons with others. Every student’s journey is unique. Comparing them to peers or siblings can lead to unnecessary stress and feelings of inadequacy. Instead of saying, “Your cousin got higher marks,” focus on the student’s personal growth by saying, “You’ve improved so much since last term.”
6. Model positive behaviors. Parents serve as role models. Demonstrating qualities like perseverance, time management, and a positive attitude toward challenges can inspire students to emulate these traits. Parents can share their experiences of overcoming difficulties, emphasizing the importance of resilience.
7. Integrate cultural and spiritual practices. For many Filipino families, spirituality and cultural traditions play a significant role in daily life. Incorporating practices like prayer or community involvement can provide comfort and a sense of belonging. Engaging in family prayers for guidance during exam periods or participating in community service together can strengthen familial bonds.
8. Maintain flexibility and adaptability. Life is unpredictable, and it’s essential to adjust expectations and plans as situations evolve. Flexibility ensures that academic goals remain relevant and attainable. If a student falls ill and misses school, adjusting study schedules and being understanding of potential setbacks help in maintaining morale.
