JM de Guzman hopes to tell a story for God’s glory
JM de Guzman will be the first to admit that recovery isn’t a straight line. Despite his recovery from substance use, his life remains a series of “ups and downs.” But for the actor, these things aren’t just remnants of a difficult past. He would rather call them a “mission.”
“Meron pa rin talagang ibibigay na mission sa ‘yo na ‘di mo maintindihan kung bakit paulit-ulit o bakit mahirap,” he says.
Earlier this year, De Guzman went through what he calls a “spiritual warfare”—he lost his connection with God. Until one day, he was offered to headline the TV5 series “My Bespren Emman,” an inspirational family drama on spiritual healing and second chances.
A journey of redemption
When director Derick Cabrido visited him in his home to discuss the show’s concept and his character’s backstory, he lost it.
“Iyak ako nang iyak sa kanya. Sabi ko, parang nagkataon kasi kailangan ko ‘to sa buhay ko ngayon. I need God in my life now,” recalls De Guzman, who plays Mateo, a man reckoning with the consequences of his past mistakes while trying to turn over a new leaf with his childhood best friend, Ruth (Shaina Magdayao).
After a life-altering accident, Mateo meets a mysterious figure named Emman (Ely Buendia), who leads him on a journey of redemption through fateful encounters that serve as lessons.
De Guzman has always been open about his past—the way his career was twice interrupted by stints in rehabilitation, and how he still experiences physical effects of trauma. Today, the 37-year-old actor continues to live with anxiety, depression, and bipolar disorder. And while it’s difficult, he surmises that there’s something to be gleaned from it all.
“Parang nagkaroon ako ng enlightenment at parang nagbago ang pananaw ko. Na-realize ko na lahat ng pinagdaanan kong depression at anxiety, led me to and prepared me for this show,” he says.
Protecting himself
Perhaps that’s what he now sees as his latest mission. “To tell a story about Him, for Him, and for the greater glory of His name,” he tells Lifestyle Inquirer.
And he believes he’s up to the task because he’s practically playing himself—his strengths, his flaws, and the complexities that come with them. “Punong-puno ako dati ng kalungkutan, galit, poot. Mainitin ang ulo, basagulero,” De Guzman says. “Pero mapagmahal, may prinsipyo, at gagawin ang lahat para sa pamilya.”
But despite his similarities with his role—and the convenience of drawing from his well of experiences—he uses them only as references, not as an actual source of emotions. “I have to protect myself first. Masakit kapag experiences mo kasi totoo ‘yon,” he says, adding that empathy remains his most powerful tool in acting.
“I empathize with the character and imagine the emotions I need to render,” De Guzman adds. “I believe our imagination has its own magic and can create something still realistic and truthful.”
‘God is with us’
Produced by Numinous Narratives and Spring Films, “My Bespren Emman,” now airing on TV5, couldn’t have come at a better time. Amid all the uncertainty and the daily horrors and hardships we endure today—wars, systemic corruption, energy crises—some people can’t help but see their faith waver.
De Guzman knows this too well. “I have been prayerful since I was a child. I have a prayer room in my place where I read the Bible while preparing for work or focusing on my spiritual health. I attend Bible studies with preachers or pastors,” he says. “But of course, kapag may mga ‘di magandang nangyayari sa buhay mo at sa mundo, minsan mapapatanong ka rin.”
Still, the series aims to show that all hope is not lost; that there’s goodness and a chance to improve our lives; and that Emman—as its Hebrew meaning, ‘God is with us,’ suggests—can be found in all of us.” “Sa panahong ito, maganda na meron tayong kinakapitan at tinatawagan, and I hope this show taps into our hearts to inspire us to connect with God.”
Because if there’s anything he has learned, it’s that at times when he had nothing left, faith was the only thing that kept him going. “Literal na nawala sa ‘kin ang lahat,” De Guzman says. “Pero andito pa rin ako.”
