Mount Banahaw’s Husgado Cave crawl
Answering the invitation of Jeannie Javelosa, my wife and I stayed at Banahaw Circle Nature Retreat to do pamumuwesto—a hiking pilgrimage done by religious devotees to nature sites in Mount Banahaw.
There are many puwestos in the mountain. Some are gentle falls said to balance your masculine and feminine energies. Some are cold, damp caves treated like shrines to saints. Some are stone altars and stores of mysterious energy.
A week before our visit, I was scared of visiting one puwesto in particular: Husgado Cave. Husgado is where the mountain judges you. Crawling through its twisted space is meant to test your faith. Once you get in, the only way out is through.
A test of faith
It is believed that the openings inside constrict when a person lacks faith. Some people can take an hour or more to get through it. Our guide, called a “pator,” said it would normally take only 15 to 30 minutes. He had already warned us that it would take some “acrobatics” to get through it.
Obviously, people with medical conditions should probably skip this puwesto. But for ordinary pilgrims, Husgado is not just a physical test but a mental one as well.
Before we left for Husgado, Javelosa expressed her concern that my wife was wearing shorts. I, on the other hand, was wearing hiking pants. I knew what we were getting ourselves into, and I was terrified.
The walk to Husgado was already somewhat treacherous. We had to climb up mossy boulders. The sky was gloomy and threatened to rain. We finally arrived at a cave known as Ina ng Awa. We lit a candle there before entering Husgado.
Inside the mountain
Our pator told us to leave our belongings and our sandals. “You need to be able to estimate your surroundings with your bare feet,” he said.
Inside, he went ahead of us to show us how to properly pass through. It was absolutely dark, so we needed to bring our own flashlights. There were parts where we had to enter lying down and face up, parts where we had to dip low and pull up, and parts where we had to dangle our legs to lift ourselves up with our hips and elbows.
There were many points where I wanted to give up and go back. There were points where a voice within me screamed: HINDI KO NA KAYA!!! HINDI KO NA KAYA!!! GUSTO KO NANG UMUWI!!!
But my wife was also following my lead, since we were in a line, so I had to be calm for her. In a way, I was her pator, and she was my agimat—giving me strength to move forward.
When I saw sunlight shine into the cave, I was filled with hope. We emerged with a few scratches but no open wounds. It took us 20 minutes to get through.
Psychology of Husgado
For everyday people who are relatively physically capable, the challenge of the cave really is facing the weakness of your will—panghihina ng loob. I understand how it can take some people an hour or more. It is easy to give up when you are in there. But take a breath and calm your spirit. Thousands have gone through this before.
Because of my training as a psychologist, I am mentally equipped to name my fears and limiting beliefs, and so I knew how to calm myself while it was happening. This is a kind of embodied self-reflection anyone can experience in therapy.
But the mountain’s “therapy” is way more tangible. Your fears are faced in your journey. Your faith in God, which makes the openings wider, is also trust in yourself.
Emerging from the cave
When we emerged from Husgado, there was a feeling of relief. Metaphorically, it is like Jesus exiting His tomb on the third day. I felt renewed.
We found ourselves back at Ina ng Awa—apparently, Husgado just looped around it. My wife and I lit candles of thanksgiving. The clouds parted, and the sun came out. It seemed that nature had echoed the moods of my soul: worrisome at first, and now light and bright.
The lesson I received from this experience is that there are too many times in life when we feel like we are contorting ourselves to get through narrow, dark, treacherous passageways. These could be difficult situations, conflicts, self-doubt, burnout, etc. If we lose the light of hope (and the hope for light), we will get stuck.
But when we can learn to truly trust in our own capability (pagpapatibay ng loob) and in a greater guidance (loob ng Maykapal), we can emerge from the dark cave of our lives, totally transformed.
