Pause on men
For many years, I’ve lived the life of a single woman. It was just me and my dad, and honestly, that was more than enough. He was my person, the one I doted on. But now that he’s gone, I sometimes catch myself wondering… who’s going to be my plus one now?
The truth is, my dad was the best date I ever had. He only ever wanted the best for me. We’d go out in the nicest cars, and he was always on time. Always. He had this way of making everyone around us laugh with his stories and good conversation. I never had to worry about awkward silences or carrying the moment. Even if I had to pay for everything, it was worth every single cent. It wasn’t about the money. It was about the joy of his company, the consistency, and the quiet pride I felt just being with someone who truly had my back. He set the bar so high that, in a way, no one else ever really compared.
It’s not about needing someone to complete me. I’m not missing anything. But sometimes, I do think about companionship. The kind where you don’t have to explain yourself, where silence is comfortable, and where someone’s just there. Still, even thinking about dating again feels exhausting.
I’m in my fifties now and I can’t help but ask does it even matter at this point? Is love still something I need to chase? The dating stories I’ve heard over the years haven’t exactly been encouraging. So many involve married men looking for a bit on the side or people who just aren’t serious. It’s honestly a little sad. Somewhere along the way I quietly stepped out of the dating game. And you know what? I’ve been totally fine with that.
When I catch up with my single girlfriends, we always end up comparing notes about dating and the kind of men out there. And yes, the question comes up are foreign men better than Filipino men? Three out of five say yes. Personally, I wouldn’t know. But just the thought of downloading Tinder, Raya, or Bumble already gives me anxiety. Sure, there are some success stories, but I’ve also heard way too many horror stories about catfishing, scammers, stalkers, and even murderers. No thanks. I’m way too old for that kind of stress.
The truth is, I’m content. I have my home, my family, my business, and solid friendships that bring so much joy and meaning to my life. The relationships I’ve had were with good men. No drama, no regrets. But now? I just don’t want to settle. I don’t have the energy for it. Maybe I’ve just outgrown the chase, the compromises, and all the effort it takes to fit into someone else’s life.
Also, let’s be real. Menopause changed a lot for me. Being intimate? Not even in my top 10 priorities. And it’s not just about mindset. Menopause can affect a woman’s sex drive. Some experience a decrease in libido because of the decline in estrogen. This leads to decreased lubrication, vaginal dryness, and potentially painful intercourse, which can impact sexual desire and satisfaction. Scary thought. So yes, it’s not surprising that romance doesn’t top my list these days.
My focus has shifted. I don’t feel bitter about it. Just more grounded and clear on what I want or don’t want.
Right now, I’m not looking for someone to fill a space in my life. I’m just living it. If someone comes along who adds to it without complicating things, great. If not, that’s okay, too.
Because at this point, I’m not lonely. I’m not waiting. I’m just good. Really good.
