SB19’s Josh Cullen breaks free in first solo concert
In a cinematic video intro to his recent solo concert, Josh Cullen was shown kneeling in a dimly lit room, his bare chest and outstretched arms wrapped in chains that bound him to the walls. Constricting his tongue was a piece of cord, its opposite end tied around the door knob in front of him. As a mysterious hand threatened to swing the door shut, he gave one last defiant glare.
It was the Josh of old, shackled by fears and childhood traumas. He used to be someone who would rather put up a facade than reveal his true self; someone who would rather bite his tongue numb than scream his frustrations out. But the heart can take only so much. He knew that one day, one way or another, he would have to fight back and confront his demons.
Making sense of the past
What Josh couldn’t voice out he put into words. The result was his debut solo album, “Lost & Found,” and the title of his show. The record implored him to reopen old wounds and make sense of the vague fragments of his past that still creep up once in a while. Through his new songs, he now has the vehicle to tell his stories.
Onstage, at the New Frontier Theater, he broke free at last. The chains, or what remained of them, now dangled from metal poles and scaffoldings. Some found their way to his costumes. He hung them around his neck and wore them on his wrists, as if saying that the very thing that symbolized his self-suppression now embellishes him.
Truth be told, Josh, a member of the pop boy band SB19, was feeling a bit nervous. But if he did, it didn’t show — at least not in the way he kicked things off with “Get Right.”
Sonic shift
Josh’s rapping was fluent; his dancing, forceful and precise. And when he hit his dance break, the fans — or the “BBQs”— erupted into screams while mock money bills rained down.
It was his next number, “1999,” however, that set the tone for his recent sonic shift, from hip-hop and urban-leaning bops to more melodic, alternative rock-inspired anthems. The track, written in English and Tagalog, started out softly, much like a pop-punk ballad. But when the chorus came, he turned the song on its head and spat out the lines in a march-like cadence. The sounds were guttural, like they were slipping through gritted teeth.
The vocals weren’t as polished here, but perhaps that was the point. The song, after all, was written as an outlet for his pent-up childhood anger. This time, the choreography was loose. He moved his body as he saw fit—climbing up the scaffoldings and jumping up and down, before hopping off and flapping about onstage.
His music from “Lost & Found” wasn’t all gloom and angst, though. “No Control,” for instance, was a joyous and carefree pop-punk anthem about running away and leaving all worries behind—like a perfect theme song for an early 2000s youth-oriented show. Fans raised their fists and jumped up and down. For a moment, it felt like Josh was holding court at a school fair.
Onstage collabs
Meanwhile, the melancholic mid-tempo “Sumaya,” and the sultry bedroom jam “Lights Out” (performed with Mo of the boy band Alamat) were the bridge that connected his new music with his similarly wired previous releases, like the kalye hip-hop- and R&B-steeped “Yoko Na,” “Pakiusap” and “Sofa (Remix).”
Aside from Mo, singer-songwriter Kael Guerrero joined Josh for a duet on the slow burn “Takbuhan,” one of the songs that showed what the latter is capable of as a vocalist. While he’s primarily known for his rapping skills, Josh more than held his own in the said ballad’s climax with steady belting and piercing head tones.
Midway through the concert, SB19’s leader, Pablo Nase, made a surprise appearance. It was their first time performing with only the two of them, Josh said. Still, they brought the house down with two of the group’s cracking dance hits, “Gento” and “Crimzone.”
“The album is so personal to him, so it was heartening to hear you sing along and make him feel loved and supported,” Pablo told the crowd.
Hard life
As a child, Josh and his family went through a lot of hardships. At one point, they were evicted from their home, their possessions thrown outside. They had nowhere to sleep. To make ends meet, Josh sacrificed his studies and took on odd jobs. And through it all, he stayed silent and kept his pain bottled up. “He barely spoke even when he was hurting,” his sister recalled in a video message.
But with hard work, determination, and a singular focus, Josh managed to claw his way up. And now, in front of thousands of loving supporters, he finally mustered enough courage “to take the mask off.”
Josh allowed himself to be vulnerable through songs like “Silent Cries” and “See Me.” And in “Honest,” he let out an anguished cry mid-performance before breaking into tears.
“I used to cry every day, hoping for a normal life. Now, I have reached my dreams. But still, it’s a scary world out there,” said Josh, who had to finish the song through stifled sobs.
But in the end, Josh knows he can always find solace in his fans—the people who inspired him to embrace himself and believed in him when he himself didn’t. They saved him, he said. And for that, he will always cherish them “no matter what.” “I finally found myself,” he declared.
