Stony weather
As of this writing, the Philippines remains an absolute shitshow, thanks to the shenanigans in the Senate. Once the country’s top law enforcer, Senator Ronald “Bato” dela Rosa was reputed to be so fearsome that he never faced accountability for his blood-spattered killing sprees, conducted with the full approval of his boss, then-President Rodrigo Duterte—until now.
The same man, raised on an abundance of macho action fare courtesy of local cinema, was unfortunately elected to the Senate. He swore he would give his life for his president. Now that said president is in The Hague facing trial for crimes against humanity resulting from his illegal drug war, you’d think Bato would waste no time joining his idol when the International Criminal Court issued his arrest warrant.
But no. The chief of police turned “honorable” senator of the Republic, it emerges, is a man of all bluster and swagger and zero honor, aided and abetted no less by an equally disgraceful coterie of colleagues in the once august lawmaking body—some of whom are even ex-convicts.
When push comes to shove, Bato reveals his true self—a coward who’d rather run away from the law than face accountability.
Farcical times call for farcical measures. What better way to sum up the cartoonish ridiculousness of dela Rosa and his allies in the Senate than with a set of limericks?
A senator named Bato
There once was a senator named Bato,
Who tried to run away from the law;
He thought he’d give chase,
And instead fell on his face,
That pudgy senator named Bato.
One night, that senator broke into song,
As he’d evaded capture for too long;
He thought we’d feel sorry,
And tell him, “Don’t worry!”
How that silly senator got it so wrong!
And then it became rather awkward,
Because the senator hid, like a coward—
Holed up in his room,
Thus spelling the doom
Of another institution gone backward.
Suddenly, there were shots in the Senate:
“Who is responsible for this state?”
Asked the man in charge,
Like they didn’t stage this farce
Because he was getting so desperate.
And what about that senator named Bato,
Our very own fugitive from the law?
At 2:30 am he escaped
While the authorities just gaped,
Hoodwinked by that senator named Bato.
“How embarrassing!” we all cried in shame,
It made world news, it ruined our name!
They’re just so pathetic,
These senators of the Republic—
Who bluster and steal with no shame.
