The hidden costs of bullying and the struggle for support
Some readers reached out after my previous article (“A mother’s perspective on bullying and self-defense,” PDI Lifestyle, Aug. 14, 2024) to express their support or share their stories as parents with bullied kids. Weeks prior, I posted a question on my feed on anyone’s positive experiences with how bullying was handled in their children’s schools. No one contributed a satisfactory review; unsurprisingly, it triggered many awful ones.
Most disturbing were some kids’ suicide ideations or attempts. After a misunderstanding with a friend, a teenage girl overdosed on pills in her home. Fortunately, her parents got her to a hospital in time and got her the help she needed. She now also channels her emotions through art and music.
A young boy whose father chose his affair partner over his wife wanted to kill himself to end his repressed pain. A well-meaning but not-so-subtle guidance counselor inadvertently singled out his need for sessions within earshot of classmates, leading to insensitive teasing. His psychiatrist suggested regular exposure to better male role models, talk therapy and lots of physical activity to have a more positive release for the anger and sadness he desperately tries to cover up.
One couple shared a story about their son who jumped from his school building. Years later, another student followed suit. Thankfully, both children survived.
Blindsided
“We were completely blindsided,” recalled the boy’s dad Mon (not his real name). “We didn’t know anything until it happened.” His wife Lina (not her real name) said that if your child is on the spectrum, leaving him where he is to learn to deal with bullying may not be best; if he is neurodivergent, it could cause him more unnecessary stress.
It’s why the couple took their son out of his existing school. “Puro platitudes,” Lina said. “Smaller, nontraditional schools might be better, depending on the child and finding the best fit. It might be different for us because our son is not neurotypical, so his perception of and reaction to events was unexpected.”
When they moved their son to a much smaller institution than the traditional private school he was in, Mon said the bullying was lessened. “Pero meron pa rin. Professional help is recommended. We got him a psychiatrist, psychologist and even a meditation coach. They would say things to their counselors but not to their parents. Your child can be diagnosed whether he suffers from anxiety, depression or other disorders. The approach and medication will depend on the condition.”
However, such professional help can be inaccessible, even for online services that cost less than face-to-face consults. For instance, online clinic rates are P3,500 for ages 19 and below (P5,000 for an initial consult if face-to-face, P3,500 for follow-up), and P2,500 for ages 20 and above (P3,000 for an initial consult if face-to-face, P2,500 for follow-up).
Online consults can be practical if they don’t go through inconvenient platforms. Directly connecting with your therapist via apps like Viber or Zoom democratizes the space as you can get help from anywhere in the country or the world but at the risk of security breaches.
Horrible service
The wait for the highly recommended MLAC Institute for Psychosocial Services lasts for months. Online sessions are P2,500/hour. MLAC suggests other clinics such as We Thrive, which replied to my inquiry after a month and cost P3,808 for the first consult.
You can choose the direct recommendation route, but prepare for horrible service. I once had booked an appointment at noon via the Now Serving app, which was moved to 8:30 p.m. without advising me, but I ended up speaking to the psychiatrist at midnight.
Also, getting your receipt can take over a month, and you might need to pay extra (about P500-P1,000) to get insurance reimbursement forms signed.
Said Lina, “It is hard to get appointments with a psychiatrist due to the number of cases now. Our pedia psychiatrist stopped accepting new patients a few years back. Our psychologist left the country so we are looking to try someone new. You’ll have to understand also that local psychiatrists don’t usually rush their patients if more counseling and intervention are needed during consultations, unlike in the United States na time is up pag time is up. Our psych’s secretary informs us of every extension encountered. Sometimes we’re also the cause of extension, so I let it go if it is another patient.”
In some cases, medication is not required, or talk therapy with a psychologist is enough, along with interventions such as a consistent and rigorous sport the child can lose themselves in or be an outlet for their rage. Some psychologists are kind enough to work with a child pro bono if the family is the source of toxicity and the child cannot afford professional help. —Contributed INQ
If you or someone you know are experiencing suicidal thoughts, contact: NFG Mindstrong 0918-8734673, 0917-5584673; Hopeline 02-88044673, 0917-5584673, 0918-8734673; or National Center for Mental Health NCMH Crisis Hotline 0917-8998727, 0908-6392672.
