The power of telling our stories
Disney’s “Encanto” gave us the catchy tune “We Don’t Talk About Bruno,” which reveals something deeper—the consequences of avoidance and how fear and unspoken pain can persist through generations.
Reacting to one of my social media posts, my friend Jamboy observed, “It takes bravery to bare your troubles, it even takes more to open a vein and bleed out on the page.”
“Shilling my grief for pennies, you mean?” I shot back, half-joking.
Does expressing my pain make me vulnerable, or am I just putting on a show? Am I selling my misery for sympathy? I’ve wrestled with that. Some consider storytelling oversharing, but to me, it’s survival. Telling our stories is an act of defiance.
What are the repercussions? As singer-songwriter Tori Amos put it, I had been “silent all these years.” This “reveal to heal” method is cathartic to me and other people coming out of the woodwork to reach out, wanting to share their experiences, too, without the risk of exposure.
In her book “Bird by Bird,” novelist Anne Lamott wrote: “You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should’ve behaved better.”
Staying quiet isn’t “classy” if it allows harm to continue, so we have to speak up. Perhaps my sense of urgency stems from being acutely aware that Parkinson’s can take away my voice and mobility; it’s just a matter of time.
Long-term effects
The hurt we endure doesn’t just stay within us; it’s passed through our families. It shapes how we raise our kids, handle conflict, and express love. I once thought keeping quiet was protective, but it’s altered my relationships and parenting. If we don’t confront our pain, we risk normalizing patterns of emotional neglect, avoidance, and tolerating disrespect.
But how can we foster awareness in our children and undo emotional damage when therapy isn’t accessible? Even without professional help, we can still create an environment where our children feel safe, heard, and valued.
Schools often have counselors who can support kids in handling their emotions and social interactions. Communities and churches sometimes offer free or low-cost counseling, parenting classes, and family support programs. Online forums and parenting groups can also be a great way to connect with others, share advice, and find encouragement.
Free resources from libraries, blogs, podcasts, and YouTube videos cover everything from handling behavior struggles to building stronger family bonds, helping kids understand their emotions, practice mindfulness, and improve communication. Role-playing can help children learn how to express feelings, say sorry, and deal with setbacks positively.
Instead of just asking kids how their day was, check in on how they’re feeling and how they handled different situations. Simple questions like, “What was the hardest part of your day, and what did you do about it?” can lead to deeper conversations. If they’re upset about something, guide them toward other ways to handle it: “How else could you have responded?” Learning to recognize and talk about their feelings helps them grow into more self-aware and emotionally strong individuals.
Empathy
Kids pick up on how to treat others by watching what goes on around them, especially at home. Set clear expectations about being respectful and kind. Encourage small acts of gratitude, like thanking teachers, helpers, or waitstaff.
The best way to teach patience and empathy is to model them yourself, especially in stressful moments. Show compassion through action by involving your child in small acts of kindness, like helping a neighbor or donating toys and clothes. Ask questions that help them see things from another person’s perspective: “How do you think that made them feel?” These small moments can help them form strong, meaningful connections with others.
Managing emotions takes practice, but even simple techniques can help. Show your child ways to calm down, like deep breathing, taking a break, or counting to 10 before reacting. If they tend to act out when they feel like they have no control, give them chances to make small choices at home. It helps build confidence and a sense of independence.
Spending time together strengthens your bond and makes kids feel secure. Whether it’s playing a game, watching a show, or just hanging out, these shared moments help build trust. Remind them that your love doesn’t change when you correct their behavior. Saying something like, “I know you’ll make a better choice next time because you’re a kind person,” teaches accountability without tearing them down.
Parenting is easier with support. Reach out to friends or family who can offer guidance or simply listen. Joining a parenting group, locally or online, can connect you with others going through similar experiences.
The values and behavior we set at home will affect their worldview. Therapy isn’t always an option, but we can foster open communication, model empathy, and create a positive environment for our children.
Pain festers in silence, but stories set us free. When we choose honesty and awareness over suppression, we build our children’s future, rewrite our own, and heal the generations before us, too.
