This dad pole-dances
Going by the handles @boy.lipad and @polelipad on social media, Jeff Lualhati is known among his followers for his gender-bending choices in expressing himself through pole dance and aerial arts. His posts typically show him bare-chested to better display his ornate body ink. At times, he’s clad in a tutu-like bikini bottom and shod in 10-inch heels.
Small wonder then that those who get to know Lualhati, who works full time as a French service desk agent and teaches tai chi and qigong on the side, is a devoted solo parent to a 7-year-old girl named Aya.
“Yes, I’m a single dad,” he tells Lifestyle. “I’m also thankful to my parents who are still here helping me raise my daughter, too. My former partner had other priorities and has since moved on and had another family.”
He goes on sharing the backstory that led to what he now describes as a “very unconventional setup” that is also “a bit more common.”
His daughter was born out of wedlock, he relates. “I would say that I wasn’t ready, as most parents are anyway, one can only be as ready as they can. But the moment I saw her in the hospital nursery, I knew then and there that I was ready to be a dad to Aya.”
Being a solo parent has been quite a challenge, Lualhati says, especially during the pandemic, when he was laid off from his previous job.
In time, he found his footing, and their setup became more manageable. Lualhati, who works from home, often with a mid-shift schedule, gives credit to Aya for being very understanding and “pretty behaved.”
He’ll never forget leaving Aya at school for the first time. “That was definitely a lesson on accepting that she needs to start spreading her wings and fly.”
Welcoming and inclusive
As for his daughter’s reaction to his choice of artistic expression, Lualhati explains that Aya sees donning high heels and doing aerials as a form of both dance and exercise. His daughter enjoys chilling in the studio whenever she comes with him to his training.
The pole and aerial arts community is quite welcoming and inclusive—practitioners and their children can freely interact. This is particularly helpful during rehearsals for recital shows.
Lualhati, a seasoned recitalist, recalls a particular season made special by his daughter. “Before I went up and climbed the silks, she whispered, ‘Ama, good luck!’”
Lualhati has evolved as a father over the past seven years.
He reflects, “When I was younger, I wanted to be that serious dad, like my father, who would impose hard rules on my kid. However, as I grew and met people outside the conventional parenting set-up, I’ve learned that there are other ways of becoming a parent, too. And instead of being a strict dad, I’d rather be the fun one who would suggest and support activities that Aya would like.”
Lualhati believes he’s a “cool techie dad” who can speak his daughter’s gaming language. He adds, “I would say I’m a seven out of 10. Not perfect, but always trying my best every day.”
When asked what he thinks is the best thing about being a father, he said it’s when he sees Aya smiling while proudly talking about her achievements. Statements like “Ama! Dami kong stars sa school!” and “Ama, ganda ng painting ko!” is music to his ears.
He says, “Seeing her proud of herself is already very rewarding.”
