Uncivil liberties
He was the most open closeted man in the United States Congress, that queen of the south, Lady Lindsey Ladybugs Graham. Sadly, I am not the author of such a perfect and pithy truism. The honor goes to an astute random Instagram commenter, who was merely stating the obvious.
That the senator from South Carolina was everything he publicly and legislatively despised: a flaming homosexual.
A fitting karmic rebuke
So well-known were his proclivities, in fact, that Grindr, the gay hookup app, flew its flags at half-mast to mourn the death of one of its most regular customers in Washington, DC, and its surrounds, at the very heart of the US government.
He must have been mourned, too, by the many twinks and rent boys he procured for sex over the course of his three decades on Capitol Hill.
When news of Graham’s sudden death at the age of 71 began dribbling out of newsfeeds, I—along with many others—immediately thought it was a gay sex hookup gone wrong. Or simply taken to the extreme. Was he taking poppers to, er, relax his body in preparation for a wild all-nighter? If so, what time did he book his sex partner(s) for the night? Who made the call to emergency services?
This scenario is just so cosmically apropos, a fitting karmic rebuke for a hypocritical, hysterical homophobic homo. Just desserts for one of the world’s most detestable people who, in all his years in politics, did so much to bring pain and misery and bombs to millions—from the innocent in Iraq to women in America demanding that their right to reproductive healthcare be respected.
And, lest we forget, the perennial rabid dog warmonger was also a consummate asslicker who shilled for Israel and made the idiotic ogre that is Trump possible.
So ridiculously off-kilter
The idea—not the visual, but the idea, mind you—that he, in his last moments, must have been staring at the floorboards with his naked butt in the air until his heart went out with a bang, is just so risible. That’s assuming, of course, he had a heart, which to this day remains debatable.
Other scenarios, less deliciously twisted to my mind, but I suppose equally plausible, are malevolent and somewhat elaborate. He was murdered by (take your pick, according to the geopolitical conspiracy theory you subscribe to):
A. Russia
B. Ukraine
C. Iran
D. Mossad
E. All of the above
If it weren’t so ridiculously off-kilter that Occam’s razor may just break trying to find the logic in all this, could it be—in a combination of gay sex and geopolitical skullduggery—that the escorts he hired that evening were set up by the Mossad in a honeypot sting attempt?
And before someone attacks me for my lack of civility about a man who has just died, tell me, what makes Lady Graham so worthy of civility? We need to stop this deathwashing of truly evil people like Graham, the way leaders of the Democratic Party have done.
Yes, you, Kamala Harris. And you, Cory Booker. Your pusillanimity is vomit-inducing. Eulogizing a most indecent man with kind words despite your “political differences” is the farthest thing from decency.
No one mourns the wicked
We should reserve no honor for people who have lived lives fully devoid of honor. He had zero fucks to give—pun absolutely intended—for the people he liked to fuck. Though the escort grapevine says he did pay well for their services, which, if you ask me, is the very least he could do for them. I only hope he didn’t charge those expenses to the government.
One of his regulars did pay him oblique tribute by recounting how, because of Graham, he was able to get life-changing transition surgery. Which doesn’t cancel out every other odious thing the senator did.
He led a most uncivil life, this man, who was no better than a savage cur who snarled at those he hated—those he perceived, ironically, as uncivilized: Palestinians, Iranians, Iraqis, the Sudanese and the Congolese. This is in addition to the legions who threatened America’s imperial hold on the world, including, yes, immigrants and the LGBTQIA+ communities.
And like a lapdog, he ran docilely to his masters, lapped up the American Israel Public Affairs Committee (AIPAC) money, and licked their boots, among other things.
Go to hell, Ladybugs Graham. Oh wait, you’re already there. And Satan, no poppers, please, for the southern madam. Just burn this queen’s ass for all eternity.
