Who’s your daddy?
At some point tomorrow, we will soon learn the fate—whether we’re particularly interested or not—of one man and his almost quixotic quest to take down that old political dinosaur, the Republican Party. And, let’s not forget, its Depends-wearing mascot earmarked for extinction, Donald Trump.
But let’s take a moment to appreciate this refreshing specimen of a man: the Democratic senatorial candidate from Michigan, Abdul El-Sayed.
Daddy’s home (home for me… chigan)
Sorry, but he’s so father. There, I said it. He deserves to win, and I hope he does win. I hope Michiganders aren’t dumb enough to vote for his opponent, Mike Rogers, who is the perfect embodiment of everything the Republican Party stands for: a mediocre white man terrified of losing power.
Electorates, lamentably, have been known to be irredeemably stupid. Case in point: the Philippines and its motley crew of dishonorable members of Congress, not to mention a president or four.
But I digress.
So. Abdul El-Sayed. Talk about a manly man. In this age of bullies, rapists, and incels, a man who seems to embody confidence, intelligence, empathy, and compassion indeed is a rarity. These qualities he possesses shouldn’t even be the bar—they should be the entry-level requirements for any man. Or any human being, for that matter.
There’s something so comforting about the alpha maleness of El-Sayed—those tight-fitting shirts and jeans don’t look too bad on him, either—that projects reliability. That he’s the man who’ll get the job done. Who’ll care for you and protect you and never let anyone hurt you. And he’ll make you laugh while he’s at it.
A hunk with a heart, a head and a sense of humor? Yes, please. What a striking contrast from the whiny, capitalist a**-kissing racists and pedophiles Republicans like to parade around as candidates.
Father knows best
If there’s one thing I’ve particularly enjoyed about this election cycle, it’s the way El-Sayed has calmly and systematically taken down Islamophobic conservative twats of all ages who brought with them nothing more than their idiotic delusions of American exceptionalism. To a town hall.
They thought they could show up at a smackdown and beat a man who knows his stuff. A man who was prepared for their pathetic grasp not just of the issues at stake, but of history and politics—and how the freedoms Americans take for granted are being dismantled one by one because the majority of them are way too thick and lazy to even bother reading a book.
(Makes me wonder how they even made it to high school.)
In a patriarchal society like the United States, one might regard the man who leads the country as a father figure. I say “the man” because that country is so deeply mired in its own misogynist bullshit to consider electing a woman as president.
That said, that warmonger Hillary Clinton is in the Epstein files, and Kamala Harris would have put empire above progressive politics, so, seriously, f*ck them both.
Father figure versus bother figure
But what kind of father of the nation is Trump? A pedophile, a convicted felon, and a rapist and an Epstein BFF who’s gone bankrupt more times than Jennifer Lopez has been engaged and married? Why would anyone want him as their daddy?
(Just imagine him singing to his underage victims “I will be your father figure, put your tiny hand in mine…”)
His predecessors were marginally better, I suppose. Bill Clinton—also in the Epstein Files—tried to be Fun Dad, but had too much fun getting blowjobs from interns. George W. Bush was Cowboy Dad, mostly clueless but ready to shout “yee-haw” and whip the country into a frenzy of patriotic fervor.
Barack Obama was Cool Dad—intellectually impressive, and substantially progressive when it came to gay marriage and gender equality, yet still dropped drones on Afghans, Pakistanis, Yemenis, and Somalis like he was shooting hoops on the basketball court.
And then there’s Doddering Dad with Dementia Joe Biden, who couldn’t do a thing to keep Roe v. Wade from getting overturned.
Look out, America
I love that El-Sayed is everything Americans have been brainwashed to fear: a highly educated, articulate, competent, and charismatic brown Muslim son of immigrant Egyptian parents who is, from all accounts, devoted to his Muslim wife. A man who—as an epidemiologist and public health expert—is sincere about his campaign promises to make life better for all Americans with healthcare, among others.
He also happens to be an American patriot who knows the Constitution inside out. In other words, he is far from the can’t-wait-to-impose-Sharia-law terrorist that Republicans would like him to be.
Abdul El-Sayed isn’t perfect, of course. And, at the end of the day, a man like El-Sayed in the Senate may not fundamentally (pun intended) change America—much less stave off the inevitable decline of the empire—but he may just bring decency and competence back to public life.
He can be America’s daddy.
