Why we love solo travel
A designer friend says that now that he’s older and has done his fair share of traveling the world, he doesn’t like strict holiday itineraries. He’s no fan of arranged tours, where schedules are rigid. He goes by feel. And, like me, he likes taking vacations alone.Not many people get that last part, but there are those like us who do relish the alone time, even as we also like to go on vacations with friends, spouses, partners and family—well, at other times.
When I say this out loud in social situations, some look at me like I’m crazy. “You go on vacations alone?!” Why ever not? I’m a big girl. I enjoy my own company. I like me.
Many of us get only brief breaks from the daily grind, so when on holiday, I like to do things at my own pace, wake up when I want to, whether it’s at the crack of dawn to eat sushi at Tokyo’s Tsukiji market, or way after lunch, and do things I want to do without forcing others to do it with me and vice versa.Sometimes you just want to do things without making compromises.I don’t get self-conscious eating alone at a restaurant. I don’t mind sitting on a park bench and just people-watching or being left alone with my own thoughts. I quite enjoy going to museums and shops by myself because I can linger for as long as I want.
Getting lost
I also don’t mind going on tours or experiences on my own. I may have stuck out like a sore thumb, but how else would I have gotten a silly group photo with three pairs of strangers while doing “The Walking Dead” tour on the I-85 in Atlanta?No shrinking violet, I can chat up anyone if I’m in the mood. I do get that not everyone can mingle and make new connections easily, but I also think that you become more willing to say hello to strangers when you’re by your lonesome, even if it’s only to ask for directions or to ask them to take your photo. That alone I would consider a benefit of traveling solo.I also like the discovery afforded by taking longer routes (and sometimes, getting lost)—yes, even on foot—like that time I hiked through the woods to get back to the subway after viewing an exhibit at The Met Cloisters in Washington Heights in New York City. I like aimless wandering when on holiday.
But I’m also not too reckless that I would deliberately go alone to a place I deem unsafe.
I never rush. I don’t need to see every famous sight in the book. Because what’s the point of “taking a break” when you’re always on the clock?
“Let’s tick off everything” is what rookies do, says my friend Jen with a scoff, she who likes to take breaks from the demands of lawyering and motherhood by going on short solo trips; her husband is über cool with it.
Traveling solo is for us who don’t like to wait. I don’t like others slowing me down when I’ve set my mind on doing something. I don’t want to have to deal with other people’s indecision—it’s just lunch, pick a fricking dish!
And multiply that friction when you’re traveling with family or a gaggle of friends, then your relationship with these people you love will really get tested. Who was it that said that the true test of friendship or a romantic relationship is going on a trip with them? If you still like each other after the trip, then you’re good.
A few years ago, a group of co-worker friends were planning a month-long trip to Europe together. My first thought was, uh-oh, trouble. True enough, they would admit later, there were times when they stopped speaking to each other during the trip. Even as they were friends at work, their different personalities and temperaments clashed when they started to spend time in close quarters together 24/7. Luckily, their friendship survived that trip, though they never traveled together again—at least, not for 30 whole days.
Out of comfort zone
You’d be surprised at the things you discover about yourself when you travel solo. You step out of your comfort zone and feel more confident. You also get to reclaim some of that head space that you lose on the day-to-day.
My colleague Pam shares my sentiments. “When we travel for work, trips are often super structured and we just follow the itinerary given to us. So when I travel for pleasure, I like playing it by ear. Instead of having a strict schedule, I arrive at my destination armed with a wish list of food I want to eat, places I want to see, things I want to experience,” she says.
“And I love doing everything alone. I can wake up when I want to wake up, eat when and what I want to eat, go where I want to go and take breaks or even end the day and go back to the hotel or Airbnb or hostel when I need to without worrying about anyone else.”
Flying solo is “a chance to really just be,” says Romina, who works in public relations. “You’re not entertaining anyone, planning something for someone or even engaging anyone…It’s a chance to center yourself for yourself. And as an introvert, it’s deeply enriching for me. You rediscover how comfortable you are in your own skin, with your own thoughts and only you (and the city) for company.”
Romina’s solo trips has led her to many memorable adventures—and hijinks. “I was interviewed by a news crew in New York! I was in a building, and a packet of unidentified white powder was sent to the building and we had to evacuate. I think they didn’t air it or they cut it because when asked what I thought the white powder was, I answered in a panic, ‘Well I hope it’s cocaine. I mean, that’s better than anthrax, right?’ But, I made friends with my fellow interviewees—one of them worked in a sandwich shop in the building and he made me a lobster roll on the house and offered me his box cutter—as protection in NYC!”
Liberating
Adds Pam, “Traveling with your partner, friends and family is a great way to bond with them, absolutely, but I also really believe that everyone should try traveling alone even just once. When you travel alone, you really get to focus on the city you’re exploring and you get to know yourself more.”
Romina concedes there are a few cons to being alone in a foreign place. First, “you have to carry your own luggage,” she says. Then, you take your own photos and there’s “no one to consult with in urgent moments!” And sometimes, she adds, “It does get a little lonely and a little scary.”
Still, “There’s something really liberating about getting lost in a place where no one knows you,” says Pam. “You open yourself up to unexpected adventures and you’ll end up surprising yourself as well.”
Romina’s advice: “Magpakatotoo ka talaga sa sarili mo. Yes, savor that Angelina’s hot chocolate for two by yourself. Yes, take however long you need in front of art that makes you cry. Romanticize every second.” But, she hastens to add, “Be safe—physically, emotionally, mentally, financially and, yes, sexually.”
So, go ahead and sign up for that cheesy experience. Jump out of a plane. Book a table for one in that nice restaurant. Get lost in a strange city—even that can be an adventure and a journey into discovery.
