Office holiday parties can stress out introverts
NEW YORK—The year the radio station company where he worked held its holiday party at a dive bar, Ryan Arnold walked in and saw coworkers passing around a tall glass boot filled with beer. He heard the office manager belting out ’80s power ballads between whiskey shots. Arnold’s first thought was, “When can I leave?”
More than 20 years later, he still remembers that awkward social event he felt obligated to attend. Arnold, 46, who describes himself as socially anxious, now thinks twice before accepting invitations to group gatherings.
For many introverts and people with social anxiety, mingling at parties is often draining or arouses uncomfortable emotions. The internal debate about whether or not to attend large get-togethers can get especially intense during the holiday season.
City University of New York social work professor Laura MacLeod said “With a workplace holiday party, there’s a pressure to be very happy and excited. It’s the end of the year, it’s the holidays, we’re all feeling grand. And maybe people are not really feeling that grand.”
“Some people are just not party people,” she said.
Therapists and workers who consider themselves shy or introverted shared tips for surviving and potentially enjoying the festivities, whether with coworkers, family or friends.
Stay a short time
Introverts and shy people may find smaller crowds more manageable, and the turnout at parties tends to be smallest at arrival time. While nerves might make it tempting to hug the sidelines, positioning yourself there also may increase self-consciousness. Experts suggest heading to the center of the room, where participating in conversations is easier because there are more of them.
If you’re feeling anxious or overwhelmed, stay a short time. It’s fine to say, “I just wanted to come and be sure to wish everybody happy holidays. … I’ve got some family things I have to handle tonight, so this is a quick stop for me,” MacLeod said. “Get yourself in and out.”
Benefit of showing up
People who are anxious in social settings don’t have to avoid work parties and may benefit by sometimes showing up, Taylor said. Focusing more on the activity and less on your feelings is one coping strategy.
“It’s possible to feel anxious and still do things,” Taylor said. “And actually, once we do that, we tend to walk away from that with a feeling of accomplishment and self-efficacy, and sometimes just feeling proud. I didn’t let the anxiety stop me.”
