Are the boys okay?
Much of the conversation around gender equality in the past decade has focused on the barriers that girls and women face, from unequal access to education to economic opportunity and political representation. While these struggles remain real and unfinished, another important question has begun to surface among economists, psychologists, and educators: Are the boys okay?
This concern stems from a growing body of research documenting patterns of disengagement among boys. According to a 2023 Unesco report, boys are more likely than girls to struggle academically and fail to complete school. The pattern is visible in the Philippines as well. A study by the Philippine Institute for Development Studies (PIDS) found that boys are falling behind girls across the country’s education pipeline. Filipino boys account for 65 percent of out-of-school children, score consistently lower than girls in national achievement tests, and are more likely to drop out early. These educational gaps are alarming because they shape the trajectory of young men’s lives and can negatively impact their employment prospects, economic stability, and sense of purpose in adulthood.
Mental health data adds another layer of concern. According to figures cited by Johns Hopkins Medicine, boys are four times more likely than girls to die by suicide during adolescence, reflecting struggles with emotional isolation and help-seeking. Another troubling trend is how a growing number of young men who feel disconnected from their families or peers are finding a sense of belonging in online communities that promote hypermasculinity and misogynistic ideas. In the absence of real-life mentors who can provide proper guidance, these hate-filled digital spaces are where some boys turn to make sense of their identity.
Highlighting these issues does not take away from the urgent work needed to address the barriers girls still face in safety, education, health, and economic opportunity. However, there also has to be a growing recognition that many boys are struggling in ways that might be less visible but deeply consequential, and that conversations about gender equality need to be more expansive to understand the kind of tailored support that boys and girls need so they can grow into healthy, capable, and compassionate adults.
This was precisely what journalist and UN High Commissioner for Refugees Goodwill Ambassador Atom Araullo sought to explore during last Saturday’s She Talks Asia Summit, along with comedian Red Ollero and actor-entrepreneur Robbie Jaworski. By reflecting on their own lived experiences of masculinity and social expectations, they identified which narratives must be critically reexamined.
First, boys are often socialized to prove their manhood. Ollero shared that one of the earliest lessons he absorbed was that “being a man” meant never allowing others to disrespect you. His insight aligns with research on “precarious manhood,” a social psychology concept suggesting that masculinity is often perceived as a status that must be continuously earned and defended. Unlike femininity, which is often treated as a stable identity, masculinity is frequently framed as something that could be lost if a boy shows weakness.
Second, boys are frequently socialized to believe that there is only one acceptable way to be a man. Araullo shared how common it is for young men to accuse each other of “being gay,” whether as an insult or a joke. This reveals how normalized it is for boys to police one another on whether they were “man enough.” Those who deviate from these expectations by expressing vulnerability, asking for help, or pursuing interests outside traditional masculine roles often face ridicule or exclusion. Over time, these pressures push boys toward conformity and discourage authentic emotional expression and self-expression.
Third, boys are often taught to equate their sense of self-worth with their ability to embody dominant masculine ideals. Society frequently equates male success with physical strength, sexual conquest, social status, and economic power. Jaworski pointed out that this is one reason why advances in gender equality can sometimes be misinterpreted as a threat to male identity. For instance, if a woman earns more money than her husband, the situation may be perceived as a failure on his part rather than a reflection of partnership and shared achievement. Such beliefs can distort how boys come to understand relationships, intimacy, and mutual respect.
Araullo, Ollero, and Jaworski shared that intentional education, broader exposure, and good role models helped them question these narratives. What this conversation brings to light, however, is just how hostile certain social scripts can be toward boys, and how many of them do not have the necessary support system and emotional language to navigate these pressures well.
If the question is whether boys are okay, the evidence suggests that many are struggling with challenges and expectations that have long gone unexamined. Addressing these issues does not weaken or compromise women’s fight for gender equality. It is a necessary step toward raising a generation of men and women capable of forming healthier relationships with themselves and with one another.
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eleanor@shetalksasia.com
