Changing food etiquette
Food etiquette refers to cultural rules around eating and, until a few years ago, revolved around stuff like no elbows on the table or not talking when your mouth is full.
Some of the rules practically define what our culture is. My father always used chopsticks, defining his Chinese-ness. I use chopsticks only for noodles and my children, very rarely, but I did teach them, from an early age, to master chopsticks and to pass on rules, like not sticking the chopsticks vertically into a bowl of rice because that’s done only for the dead.
As friendships and business connections expand, we have become more conscious about respecting other cultures’ food etiquette, including asking about dietary restrictions. It’s not always easy because we do need to understand terms like kosher (for Jews) and halal (for Muslims), which goes beyond the prohibition on pork and stretches into the way animals are slaughtered (literally going for the jugular vein, as well as the carotid artery, when cutting the throat).
It’s best to ask guests to explain the details if you’re not sure. I’ve found “vegetarian” in the Philippines is still not clear to many people. When you say “hindi puede ang karne (meat not allowed),” people are likely to think of karne as beef and will still offer pork, chicken, and fish.
But changes are happening. The better restaurants now offer vegetarian entrees. Airlines offer choices like “oriental vegetarian” (usually tofu and mushrooms with vegetables) and “western vegetarian” (strong on salads, which many Chinese do not like because the salads are seen as bland, and as too “cold” and causing gas pains!). Airlines and restaurants also offer choices between vegetarian (dairy and eggs allowed) and vegan (no animal by-products at all).
Health-oriented diets are changing food etiquette, with restaurants reducing salt and sugar for example. My friends and I will request less salt, and ask that the sugar or honey for drinks is served separately and not already mixed in.
Prepare yourselves for more changes triggered by weight consciousness and the rise of different weight-reducing schemes. Mainly though, we see a trend toward smaller food servings, not always easy to do in the Philippines with titas (aunts) pushing you to eat more, get more.
Last week, before leaving for a trip to Davao, I called a cousin-in-law, one of my few remaining relatives there, to request that she should just prepare a simple meal of vegetables and fish. She did comply with the veggies and fish part, but cooked six dishes, a sumptuous mini lauriat! At least she didn’t force me with big food portions and didn’t offer to wrap the leftovers (lots!) for me to take home.
I had also requested her to decline “pasalubong”—gifts for travelers—especially since Davaoeños are proud to offer lots of luscious fruits, many of which, unfortunately, are heavy, for example, pomelo and durian. (I love mangosteens, which are small but also overweight.) I tried to be kind, appreciating her hospitality but reminded her I was traveling alone, and am “senior na senior.”
When I commented that the Chinese tea she served was excellent, she smiled ear to ear and said I should take home the tea, a happy compromise (and wow, it was first-class oolong).
Here’s a twist to this Davao tale. I was there to speak at a conference and a day before my arrival, the main organizer, Agah Villano, emailed me saying he wanted to give me pomelo as pasalubong, but wanted to check if that was all right because he knew I was traveling alone. I emailed back with profuse thanks for his hospitality and consideration. No pasalubong then.
Wait, wait, there’s more. On my first day in Davao, I was walking along a main street and passed by a drugstore that had a large sign on the counter, “Ozempic for sale,” reminding me of an article that just came out in the New York Times last week about how Ozempic (semaglutide) and similar drugs can dramatically reduce appetite and are approved in the States for diabetes, but many were able to convince their doctors to prescribe them so they could take the medicines to suppress appetite and lose weight.
The New York Times described the dilemmas these drugs now pose for food etiquette. For example, what do you do if a fellow diner is not eating, and asks if she can just share your (delicious) dessert? Whether you have a restaurant or frequently host meals for friends, it is polite to ask now about the ultimate dietary restriction, short of asking, “Will you be eating at all?”
