Coming of age

Last Sunday was a teacher’s 75th birthday. I found myself seated next to two people that I hadn’t seen in over a decade. Both of them had been very much a part of my younger years as a pediatric resident, and to see them healthy and spritely was a cause to rejoice.

I couldn’t help but give them a tight embrace for words were not enough. I said that they hadn’t aged and we had caught up with them. How do they do it? One of them gave me a gentle smile and said, ”Just be happy.”

Catching up with each other’s lives, they said that they were still in practice but understandably had slowed down after the pandemic. One of them handed me a sheaf of papers and asked me to go over a program that she had proposed to the birthday celebrator several years ago and added that it might be worth looking into as a project for the pediatric society. Through minimal words and action, they had given their answers: stay active and have a purpose. Being past the retirement age shouldn’t be a limiting factor.

Looking at them and being fortunate to have older family members and mentors allow me to share what I have observed and constantly experience just by having the luxury of being in their company and witnessing how it is to age with grace. How they choose to lead their lives is a tutorial in itself.

First, they never take things or themselves too seriously. They always remind me that there are situations that are inevitable and cannot be changed. Try as best as you can to choose the path toward acceptance.

Second, they are always interested in pursuing further learning and try to keep up with modern technology and at times even manage to outpace the younger ones.

Third, they are generous with their time, resources, expertise, and vast experience.

Fourth, they engage in a variety of activities that were never part of their routine or area of interest or have taken a back seat because of work. A friend started exercising in his 60s, overcame his fear of traveling, and pretty soon has plans of reviving his piano playing. My boss has become the consummate gardener and her plants have brought life to our window shelves in the office. An octogenarian colleague rediscovered her love for art on one of her trips to the US and her painting is taking up space in her recently renovated living space.

Fifth, they keep mobile. On a daily basis, despite occasional aches and pains, they start their day by exercising. My 92-year-old mother always tells me that it is easy to succumb to lethargy or laziness but engaging in physical activity makes her feel lighter.

Sixth, they are very zealous about self-care. They make sure that their grooming is unquestionable. I am sure you have heard horror stories about elderly parents neglecting their oral hygiene or refusing to take a bath.

Seventh, they know the value of listening and keeping silent when needed. How they choose to respond to a situation is a master lesson in mindfulness. Oftentimes in highly emotional circumstances, especially in discussions that invite dissenting opinions, there is a natural tendency to be reactive rather than reflective. They will always choose to keep the peace and practice being kind even if they may be right. They focus their energy on things that are far more important, such as preserving and prioritizing relationships.

Eighth, they know when to tap into the child within themselves. They are eternally curious and open to new possibilities.

Ninth, though they know how to enjoy their own company, they still find time to stay socially connected. My medical school teacher regularly goes on spur-of-the-moment trips with her friends from kindergarten and medical school. During her 70th birthday last year, I was fortunate to have met them and had a deeper understanding of how they had played a significant role in helping her overcome a health challenge.

Tenth, they eat less and keep things simple.

Eleventh, they are more spiritual than religious.

All of us are on a one-directional route that involves both physical and cognitive decline. If we want to defy or delay life’s natural course, we should work at keeping ourselves mentally, emotionally, and spiritually fit. The road to acceptance of the inevitable isn’t easy, but if we are to get the best of the years left, we shouldn`t just sit still and wait until the lights go out. Life still is wonderful and can be amazing. Aren`t they living proof?

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