Deeper intentions
So how do we intend to party?”
Leading up to the celebrator’s 60th birthday, the principal organizer had strict instructions: it was not meant to be a sit-down affair—more of a meet and greet—and the whole event would be held within two hours only, since the top concern was to adjust according to the level of energy our birthday girl would have on that day. She had chosen a venue that was accessible and familiar, well-ventilated, and, while located within the hospital premises, was not on the same level as the clinical areas. Food assignments were given to those she knew she could make requests of, good for around 60 to 80 people. She was adamant against having long speeches or presentations. As a parting shot, she said, “Bawal malungkot—please provide upbeat music to set the tone.” Being a fan of retro music, you can probably guess the contents of the playlist.
Probably the top three celebrations that people make full-on preparations for include weddings, birthdays, and anniversaries—generally happy occasions. While time-consuming and detail-driven, the process leading to the actual event is not as emotionally charged until the day the party happens. What is more difficult to plan for are the ones that are related to endings: retirement, termination, moving residence, and the shift to a final destination, which we pray and aim for. The latter will inevitably invite feelings of sadness, for some, regrets, and a certain kind of loss that as much as we want to avoid, we are forced to face. The challenge lies in how we can prevent ourselves from wallowing in these emotions and still manage to celebrate.
I arrived earlier than most and was happy to see her batchmates and our colleagues from different specialties, including some from the administration department. All the guests had brought more than enough food to share. People were mindful to keep their voices low and avoided monopolizing the birthday girl so that everyone would have a chance to spend time with her. Three people were dancing in response to familiar tunes, but made sure not to disrupt the party. Most of us agreed that they provided the amusement that was needed. “Cute” is the word that comes to mind when seeing a 25-year-old seriously enjoying dancing alongside baby boomers—a testament that music truly unites. In short, even if unspoken, everyone had made an effort to keep the atmosphere light.
This experience made me think about the thousands of parties we have either hosted or participated in. Living in these times, where there is a gross imbalance between overabundance and lack, one gains a better understanding of priorities and what matters most, on the premise that we have taken enough time to reflect and carry enough wisdom from the added years.
My takeaway. Don’t worry.
Don’t worry that the venue is not impressive—think more about accessibility.
Don’t worry about food. The celebrator is, and should be, the main attraction. While there may be exceptions, take comfort in knowing that people still know how to show their appreciation for being invited by bringing a dish, dessert, or drinks, even if you didn’t ask them to.
Don’t worry about how people should act or react. Give them enough credit to be sensitive to the situation.
Don’t worry if some people do not show up. They have their own reasons.
Don’t worry if things don’t go as planned—life wasn’t designed to be that way.
Don’t worry that emotions will run high and leave the celebrator sadder about the situation. You are no fortune teller.
Don’t worry about what people will say about the party. You know in your heart what the intention was and who it was for. Leave them to analyze how they felt, and hope that they become more self-aware.
Our celebrator then asked to be given a chance to speak. Her words were a reaffirmation that we had given her a memorable celebration.
She thanked all of us for making her feel so well-loved. Her beautiful face was radiant; her demeanor and her voice spoke of how she was handling her fate. She was, without doubt, at peace.
“Learn how to be comfortable with discomfort.” She shared that while things may be difficult, they have to be faced and acted upon. Health challenges shouldn’t be a deterrent to tasks that need to be completed, because there are people who still depend on you. Do what you can to help. She then shared how she sometimes questions why she is still with us despite the odds, and ended by saying that it is all by God’s grace.
I cannot agree with her more.
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