Developing our emotional intelligence

After several box office letdowns in 2023, Disney can finally breathe a sigh of relief with the recent commercial success of Pixar’s “Inside Out 2.” This sequel to the 2015 animated hit explores the inner workings of a girl’s emotions by following 11-year-old Riley and the various emotions running a command control center inside her head. In the sequel, the original five—Joy, Sadness, Disgust, Anger, and Fear—are joined by new characters as Riley goes through puberty: Anxiety, Envy, Embarrassment, and Ennui.

The movie brilliantly illustrates how emotions influence our decision-making. In the past decade, scientists have understood more precisely how emotions aid rational thinking by helping us assess which relevant information to consider, including potential threats and opportunities. To guide our thought process, different emotions highlight specific details, memories, and beliefs while downplaying others. For example, the feeling of disgust helps us avoid certain situations that might harm us. Imagine discovering a foul-smelling three-week-old milk in your fridge. Disgust kicks in, and you are absolutely sure that you don’t need to taste it before throwing it away.

Emotional intelligence is defined as the ability to understand and monitor one’s feelings and emotions and use the information gathered to guide one’s thinking and actions. The term was first coined in 1990 but it was psychologist and writer Daniel Goleman who brought it to general awareness in 1995. He christened it with its famous shorthand, EQ, and published a book highlighting it as a significant predictor of success. His insights were a stark contrast to the prevailing belief at the time, which solely put a premium on a person’s IQ levels.

Fast-forward to 2024 and skills related to emotional intelligence have become sought-after qualities in leaders and employees. According to the 2023 World Economic Forum’s Future of Jobs 2023 report, organizations are placing increasing importance on socio-emotional attitudes like self-awareness, resilience, curiosity, and flexibility. In a working landscape anticipating massive disruptions due to automation and artificial intelligence, companies seek to build a workforce with high EQ: reflective, adaptive, self-motivated, and committed to lifelong learning.

As a licensed Social Emotional Learning (SEL) trainer for the past seven years, I have noticed that many young people face a significant challenge: they grew up hearing that their feelings are valid, but they were not necessarily taught how to properly assess and manage them, often hindering them from being able to choose to respond appropriately. This gap in understanding often results in individuals who constantly let heightened emotions dictate their decisions, using unprocessed feelings to justify inappropriate, unproductive, and destructive behavior.

Emotional intelligence transcends mere awareness of one’s emotions. It encompasses the ability to comprehend the nature of these emotions as well as the proficiency to manage them effectively. The five core SEL competencies are self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship skills, and responsible decision-making. These involve recognizing and regulating emotions, understanding others, building healthy relationships, and making constructive choices. Possessing a high EQ means not only recognizing what you are feeling but also understanding that you wield control over your emotions rather than being controlled by them.

Children need to be taught that: Yes, we should name and acknowledge our emotions. BUT it is equally important to understand that our strong feelings can cloud judgment. Our initial emotions often overlook and obscure considerations that a rational mind would take into account, such as our long-term goals, the values we stand for, and the relationships we care about. For example, when someone has road rage, they are so focused on their anger that they fail to weigh whether the traffic inconvenience they were reacting to is enough to justify harming others.

People need to learn how to pause when dealing with heightened emotions and to practice doing activities that will help them calm their emotional mind so that they can also “hear” their rational mind. This way, they can react and decide with greater intention. For parents and teachers who want to learn how to explicitly teach SEL skills to their children and students. I recommend looking into a host of free online resources developed by Unesco and CASEL for practical tips and free modules that one could easily integrate into the classroom or at home.

While there is an old saying that “Those who can’t, teach,” emotional intelligence is not something one can easily impart unless one makes an active commitment to developing and embodying these skills. Teaching social-emotional attitudes begins with a personal practice: Being more reflective about how we are feeling and being more mindful and deliberate with the way we respond. It is through our continuous growth in this area that we can hope to effectively guide the younger generation toward a more resilient and emotionally intelligent future amid a world increasingly shaped by automation.

This skill will serve them (and us) well.