Lessons to be relearned

In the last couple of days, there have been many opportunities to find time for silence and needed self-introspection. As I reevaluated my grades in my spiritual report card, I knew it was time to get back to having the needed healing conversations with God that had been temporarily put on hold because I allowed the deafening noise of daily living to take over. I use the word ”healing,” because these dialogues have always been instrumental in making me see, with more clarity, the beauty of being and living in peace. Lately, that sense of serenity has been disrupted, and I have come to realize that not only have I failed to listen but have also left myself vulnerable to distractions that consumed both time and energy, which could have been put to better use. Fortunately, throughout my existence, I have found myself in the company of individuals who not only embody peace but also know how to seek it, reach for it, and show others how to do the same.

The first piece of advice is to learn how to temper yourself. Temperance is defined in the dictionary as the capacity for moderation, in thought, action, and feeling. One trait that I truly admire about people who manage to give lasting impressions is their capacity for restraint. Sometimes, silence can speak more than words and allows the recipient time to be more aware of their place or the role they play in the discussion. Far too often—and this applies to both parties—we tend to be more reactive than reflective, and pausing gives us enough space to hopefully act for the better. I remember a well-revered colleague who gave me that important advice on the power of holding back. Finding myself in such a situation and remembering what she told me, I let silence and time take care of things. In the years that followed, people would come up to me and speak about how unfair it was on my end. Thinking about it now, while it may have appeared to be so on the surface, I am glad that I made the right choice. To this day, that decision always manages to bring a certain kind of calmness. While it isn’t easy to forget, having a deeper capacity to understand makes it easier to be forgiving, especially when we have also been fortunate to have been forgiven as well.

The next question, then, would be: what do we do to build it? For starters, once you have experienced the benefits, you are more inclined to work at it. My best friend’s piece of advice always rings true. “If and when you find yourself in a potentially combustible situation, be deliberate at compartmentalizing and then zoom out.” In heated encounters, there is a higher probability of resorting to words that are meant to hurt or cripple even if unintended. The worst part? Once said, there will never be an opportunity to take it back. Admittedly, if the relationship is fragile, sometimes the damage caused can be beyond repair. In trying to resolve matters, she always tells me to try to be as factual and single-minded as possible. Stick to the issue so that past hurts or disappointments do not have a chance to resurface and ruin a potential solution to the problem. If the timing is right, find that perfect moment when you can respectfully walk away. Physically distancing yourself not only gives you additional time to deal with your own inner struggles but also helps redirect your perspective. While the whole process is easier said than done, mustering the willpower to rein it in should serve as a concrete example of how one can show kindness. Furthermore, it is a reflection of one’s level of self-awareness. The ability to let some things slide, even when you are right, comes from knowing that your silence is not a form of weakness or indifference, but a strong signal that you have a better understanding of how your words and actions can impact another.

Second, learn to pray for it and believe that you have what it takes to achieve it. For things that you cannot change, trust that God knows how to discern and will take over. Praying constantly will not only keep us closer to Him but will strengthen our resolve to keep on doing good. My mother always tells me that in the face of adversity or a standoff, you never end up the loser if you are on the right side of the equation. The burden will always lie on the one who is intent on causing hurt and stirring up the dispute. What you hope for is that the person comes to realize who ultimately we are all answerable to.

Happy Easter!