Love thy enemy
Holy Week this year comes at a time of global conflict and widespread suffering. The swing to authoritarianism seems fueled by intolerance and self-interest. How do we stem the tide of chaos and a potential world war?
There is a mindfulness practice called “Loving-Kindness.” It is the practice of cultivating unconditional positive regard for all beings. Suffering leads to more suffering; love creates more love. And so, the only path away from hate and suffering is love. It can be challenging to generate loving-kindness. Traditionally, we first practice loving-kindness on ourselves, but I notice that for some of my clients, this is already too difficult. And so, I look for the easiest place to start, such as wishing happiness for people we already like. (Loving ourselves, however, is necessary to fully love others.)
Loving-kindness is both the aim and the method. When we struggle with loving ourselves or others, we should not judge ourselves for it. We accept that this is what our journey to growth looks like. By looking at our mistakes and setbacks with kindness, we already succeed in the practice. This way, it becomes impossible to fail or lose, and we begin to chip away at the fear of failing, which allows us to love more completely.
It just so happens that the fear of losing something is what leads to hurtful and cruel actions. When people fear losing power, they hold a tighter grip and strip away power from others. When people fear losing their status, they rig the system and put other people down. When people fear losing their freedom, it can justify taking freedom from others. Fear-based behaviors are focused on short-term preservation. We just want to survive today, without regard for long-term consequences.
Loving-kindness, in contrast, encourages us to consider other people’s survival, freedom, and happiness. Love is expansive and encompassing because it widens our perspective beyond ourselves. Because we love and care about others, we avoid causing them suffering. Because we love and care about the world, we prevent bringing about its destruction. The key to world peace is not the threat of mutually assured destruction but a mutual love for each other.
The biggest challenge in the practice of loving-kindness is generating love for your enemy. Could you love someone who has done you harm? Could you love someone whose beliefs are different from yours? This level definitely requires more time and patience, though it is the most transformative.
Unfortunately, rather than loving-kindness, the world seems to be on a spiral of hate, as powerful governments lead with aggressive and violent tactics, with the president of the United States even proudly promoting death and destruction. We are not spared from such attitudes here in the Philippines, with our politics becoming increasingly divisive and wishing suffering on our political opponents.
It is not just governments and nations that fight one another. Individually, we have been caught in attitudes and behaviors that divide and exclude. We judge both ourselves and others. We refuse to make the effort to understand different perspectives. We focus on our own hurts and suffering, and we fail to see we also cause suffering for others.
We are tempted to believe that the way to peace is to eradicate our enemies. But as long as we use hatred as our base and destruction as our method, conflict continues, and no one wins. With every bomb dropped, more radical extremists appear. With each oppressive or cruel policy, the risk of rebellion increases. Such victors cannot enjoy their spoils without fear of a growing mob outside their walls.
Even those on the “right” side of history cannot achieve true justice by using hate. Using hate perpetuates hate. Disrespect makes space for more disrespect. Intolerance breeds more intolerance. This is where we see the oppressed become the oppressor when they rise to power, because their hate fuels revenge. By turning to love, we switch gears from retributive justice to restorative justice. Restorative justice builds everyone up. It allows for redemption, which transforms past oppressors into socially responsible citizens. It also provides peace for victims and survivors, allowing them to build lives not bound by their past suffering.
While we may understand why we need to love our enemies, how to love them is probably the most challenging. The “how” is surprisingly simple: take a step back. Take a step back until you see the bigger picture. Take a step back and see how your fates are intertwined. We can always find common ground in that we are all human beings. When we realize that all suffering is connected, we will wish to stop it all.
In this day and age, loving-kindness has become a radical and somewhat subversive concept. It is, however, worth cultivating as it doesn’t just heal ourselves but can also heal the world.
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aatuazon@up.edu.ph
