My battle with social anxiety

You’ve probably seen me as the quiet and reserved girl but inside was a storm of issues that led me to where I am today. This is because my family is verbally abusive; our home was a battlefield of words where arguments cut through flesh sharper than any blade. This was devastating to my self-esteem, quite the opposite of the warm and loving Filipino family image. What I did not expect was to find myself in a place that made me more isolated and aggravated my social anxiety.

Over the years, I struggled academically. My responsibilities at home and constant psychological problems affected my ability to pay attention and have fun in school. I often felt overwhelmed by the weight of my family’s conflicts. It wasn’t just the loud arguments at home that haunted me.

The fear of encountering similar aggression at school made me dread stepping into the classroom. I began to skip school frequently, preferring the solitude of my room to the anxiety-inducing interactions that awaited me.

The thought of having to speak, answer a question in class, or even say “good morning” to a teacher filled me with such dread that I would find any excuse to stay away. This avoidance became a vicious cycle, feeding my social anxiety and deepening my sense of isolation.

One traumatic experience stands out: One day, my parents got into a heated brawl in Germany, and my mother said that she would commit suicide. The one person I thought would stand by my side turned into a source of fear and pain and gave me a rather gloomy childhood. That year was the worst year of my life, especially when my best friend, my only source of hope, left me. I felt alone and unwanted, which made me isolate myself even more. My social anxiety worsened; I was terrified of forming new friendships, fearing that they, too, would end in abandonment. I withdrew further, convinced that silence was safer than risking the pain of rejection.

Yet amid this chaos, a spark of resilience ignited within me. I realized I had two choices: give in to my destiny or try to alter it in some way. I decided that I wanted to change my life and stop being sad and miserable. Therapy saved me and helped me get through the worst moments of my life, made me face my traumatic experiences and social anxiety, and learned how to regain confidence in myself.

In therapy, I confronted my fear of speaking, being seen, and being heard. My therapist encouraged me to gradually expose myself to situations that triggered my anxiety. It was excruciating at first; even the smallest interactions felt monumental. I remember the first time I forced myself to answer a question in class. My voice shook, my palms were sweaty, and I could barely make eye contact with my teacher. But I did it. That small victory marked the beginning of my journey out of silence.

I also tried challenging myself more academically and found out that learning is something I enjoy. This internal change was not to remain internal for long and started to show on the outside. I also began to assume leadership positions in school and other social activities including organizing events and group assignments. It was something that I never knew I had within myself and that gave me so much confidence. I changed from the girl who sat in the back and hardly said anything to the one who spoke up and was listened to.

Looking back, I remember the days I would feign illness just to avoid the terror of speaking in class. Today, I no longer skip school to escape my fears; instead, I walk into the classroom with my head held high. It’s not that the anxiety has completely disappeared, but I’ve learned to manage it. I’ve learned that courage isn’t the absence of fear, but the ability to push through it. My experiences have taught me that the more I face my fears, the smaller they become.

What I learned is that it is okay to be both the survivor and the victim and that mental health is as important as physical health. Based on my own experiences, I began helping other students with similar problems with their mental health and families. I reached out to those who, like me, felt trapped by their anxiety, offering a listening ear and the reassurance that they were not alone.

I became a source of inspiration to many people, especially to those who are struggling at this time in their lives and want to give up, to convince them that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. It wasn’t an easy journey, but each step forward was a testament to my growing strength. I’ve learned to embrace my voice, and more importantly, I’ve learned to embrace myself.

Sofia Garcia, 17, is a Grade 12 student at Enderun Colleges. She is training to become an equestrian athlete.