Officers and wife beaters?

An officer and a gentleman” is a description of the bemedaled man in the crisp uniform, the two words made for each other, like horse and carriage, bread and wine, fire and brimstone. Ah, but not always. That plaintive bugle call (in the movies) we hear rising from distant fields evokes heroic sacrifices deserving of medals for the men fallen and wounded in battle. But in real life and away from the public’s eyes are abuses some of these gentlemen have wrought on their own families. The hand that is quick on the trigger could also be quick to inflict pain on individuals the “officer and gentleman” had vowed to love, respect, and protect.

Human rights abuses committed by military men against civilians we leave for another day, abuses that sparked huge rallies and international investigations. Domestic issues are also important.

It looked like it was straight out of a TV courtroom drama and I was hooked. But no, it was a congressional Commission on Appointments hearing for the promotion of military officers to higher ranks and, whoa, also to hear complaints of marital infidelity—in one case, at least. The officers’ presence was required, and their worthiness was presented to and assessed by the committee. For many, it could be a walk in the park, a well-deserved reward for battles fought and won.

But there she was, the wife of an army brigadier general tearfully testifying to her husband’s abusive behavior and neglect of his family and with no less than their own daughter’s supportive corroboration. Call it synchronicity or whatever but the drama happened to be a few days after International Women’s Day (March 8), still right smack during Women’s Month of March when, more than in other times of the year, women’s causes are made most visible, when violence against women are brought up for everyone’s awareness, for everyone to prevent, report, and condemn.

Of course, it made the news. “Army wife convinces lawmakers to defer general’s appointment,” (3/13/24) was the Inquirer’s headline for the story. The general’s wife spoke at the Senate news briefing before the committee’s closed-door hearing. Said she: “To the gentlemen of the [Armed Forces of the Philippines], I hope you are hearing this. I hope that you look into the very sad plight of the wives, mothers, and partners of your men. It’s about time, sirs.”

Referring to her estranged husband, she said: “He doesn’t deserve to be a general who should understand the [concept of] responsibility and accountability to the people because his position is a public trust.” He was not named in the Inquirer story to protect the family members’ identity, but he was identified in a TV report. The brigadier general must have been ripe for promotion to a higher rank (lieutenant general?) or an appointment to a higher office. Now his wife was blocking his rise, owing to his years of abusive behavior toward her and their two children. He had beaten her up even while she was pregnant with their second child, she recalled, and she had feared losing the baby.

The general sat there, ramrod straight, seemingly stoic and unmoved, with nary a twitch on his face.

The general had since left the brood, providing a measly P2,000 monthly support, the wife said; P2,000 is about two days’ work for minimum wage earners. You can read online the rest of the Inquirer news report by Marlon Ramos but part of it that needs to be highlighted is the fact that, according to the general’s wife, she had sought assistance from the AFP and filed complaints with the Office of the Ethical Standards and Public Accountability (OESPA) at the Army headquarters. Then she realized her case was not rare, that many military wives had abusive husbands whose behavior needed to be reported. And what were they told? File cases in court.

How could battered wives with children to support find time and resources to file cases in court? Can’t the AFP’s OESPA address their complaints? How about the issue of child support for starters?

A military officer cohabiting with another person who is not one’s legal spouse and abandoning one’s legal family is definitely one for the courts. This is not simply a domestic issue to be brushed aside with a hands-off attitude, especially if physical abuse is involved.

Post-traumatic stress disorder among soldiers—if invoked as a reason—is not an excuse to heap one’s rage on one’s family. There are therapists to help address that. And there is a legal way out of a marriage gone awry. Is carrying on an adulterous union a solution? Abandoning one’s family could be likened to abandoning one’s troops. It is a cop-out.

We have yet to hear from the general. But commission chair and Senate President Juan Miguel Zubiri said confirmation is deferred pending the general’s signing a waiver and allocating a portion of his salary for his wife and children. That is the money part. Then the “an officer and a gentleman” honorific status is restored?

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