Pieces of her whole
Yesterday was Mother’s Day!
At this time of the year, it is particularly hard for those who have lost theirs.
For us fortunate to still have them around, consider ourselves to be more than blessed to be given daily opportunities to make them feel valued and loved. My sister always says that we are in a race against time.
A few days ago, I was treated to lunch in a popular coffee shop chain by a friend whom I bumped into while attending Mass. Taking the chance to catch up on each other’s lives, I found out that she was semiretired and taking it easy as her sons were all grown up. She shared that the coffee shop has become her favorite place because there was a higher probability of seeing her two sons, who were both in training, when she stayed there. A senior colleague told me the same thing. Since her son was in a fellowship program, the only way that they could see each other was by setting an appointment. Feeling close and bold enough, I said that it must hurt to be in that situation. She sighed and replied that at a certain point in your life, as a mother, you have to accept that you are no longer the number one person for them. It isn’t because they love you less, but simply because they are making their way on their own and have lives to lead. I told her that it’s a good thing that I am not a mother. For sure, it would leave me heartbroken, similar to how my friend’s 4-year-old daughter felt when her mom failed to give her undivided attention. She wanted to talk about her day, but her mom was busy working on her computer. The highly sensitive little girl that she is, she said, “It’s okay, Mom, I guess you are too busy to listen,” and quietly walked away.
One of the words that creates a mix of both relief and discomfort is the word “busy.” On one hand, it is good, because it means you are motivated and driven. However, it could also sometimes be a convenient excuse for being physically or even mentally absent. When you say you are too busy to pay them a visit, to call or text, did you ever wonder if our mothers were overtaken by similar concerns but chose to prioritize us, their children, anyway? What is this world turning us into? With no intention of turning the beginning of this week into some sort of guilt trip, let us reflect on how we can be better at showing them our appreciation.
First, we should try to be what they envisioned us to become. Upright, decent, and responsible. We are mirrors of our respective upbringings. While one of the joys of a mother is to see her children successful, her greatest joy would be to see them grow into kind and God-fearing individuals. A retired executive shared that the greatest compliment that she received from her son’s employer was the way her son treated the people around him, especially the janitors and the guards.
Second, teach your children to value their mother not through lavish gifts but through more meaningful acts. A daily phone call, unexpected visits, running errands, seeking advice on concerns, even if you have a solution, are all powerful reminders that you are accessible and around for them. Children need to be reminded that the older one gets, the more sensitive one becomes. We all need reaffirmation that we still matter and count. Just the other day, my niece gave a call to her lola and she couldn’t help but tear up when lola said, “Thanks for calling, it’s as if you were here.”
Third, don’t dwell on your mother’s shortcomings, perceived or otherwise, and worse, remind them of these. Avoid dissecting them. Should they have hurt us in the past, put an expiration period on negative feelings. Forgive and forget. My mother never fails to remind us to magnify whatever good qualities she has. We all grow into our own selves, and we have the intellect to discern what is right from wrong. Her message: even if I am your parent, I am as imperfect as any human being.
To my mother, my nanay who supported my father, my siblings, and me, we can never thank you enough. You have always taught us by example. The ultimate gift to return your unselfish love is to keep on doing good in order to show others why actions will always speak louder than words.
Happy Mother’s Day to all who nurture and love.
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