The irony of work-life balance
One of the frequently asked questions during Mental Health Awareness Month is how to achieve work-life balance. This is also a common concern among students, who find it difficult to find time outside of work and studies. The term “work-life balance,” however, seems to do more harm than good.
First, I consider it a misnomer. It connotes that a balanced life means that our time has to be perfectly apportioned to work and life, as if on a perfectly level seesaw. This kind of strict mathematical thinking about work and life will inevitably leave us dissatisfied, since achieving the perfect ratio is impossible. Unexpected events at work will force us to turn our attention, even if it’s our personal time. Family emergencies will likewise do the same during our work hours. Desiring a perfectly balanced life will only lead to resentment and a sense of unfairness.
The concept of work-life balance also places a dichotomy between the two, as if one can’t live while working and vice versa. Insisting that these are mutually exclusive will make us feel perpetually deprived of one while we’re focused on the other. We dream of retirement because we think that we can only enjoy life once we stop working. We feel inadequate in our careers if we’re not devoting 100 percent of our time to it, castigating ourselves as lazy, unambitious, and unmotivated if we spare time for ourselves.
The ultimate irony in work-life balance is that as much as we insist on its separateness, our sense of imbalance actually comes from feeling the stress of both areas at the same time. Oftentimes, burnout is likely to happen when we mentally hold many things at once. This is encouraged by modern society, which pushes us to multitask. Think about the “working lunch.” Think about how notifications on our phones frequently disrupt our moments.
The mental cost of multitasking is that each task becomes more difficult due to poor concentration, thus making burnout and fatigue more likely. When we are at work, we can’t help but worry about our other life tasks and responsibilities, such as family, finances, and how to squeeze in personal time. When we do find ourselves having personal time, we can’t help but worry about the work tasks that are waiting for us. This is the worst of both worlds: we are unable to fully focus on the tasks at hand and also unable to fully enjoy our rest.
The alternative is to approach things mindfully. Do things one at a time. Fully focus on what’s in front of you, whether it’s work, your loved ones, or yourself. By doing so, you prevent comparisons or wishing you were somewhere else, which worsens life satisfaction. Fully focusing on the present, whether work or personal, makes the present more meaningful and potentially more enjoyable. You are more likely to find work satisfying. The same goes for your personal time—you can finally enjoy yourself without guilt.
Our workplace might resist this idea, as it somehow feels inefficient. We can argue, however, that doing things one at a time allows for better concentration. This makes for high-quality work and more mental energy for creative solutions. And because we are preventing burnout, the workforce becomes more sustainable with fewer health complications and less attrition, which disrupts productivity.
Learning how to delegate is important in allowing you to focus on the present and not have to feel that you have to be in both places at once. Of course, in order to delegate properly, you need to know how to ask for help and how to graciously accept it. In my experience, both these skills are often lacking. Asking for help is such an underrated life skill. The stigma against asking for help is strong, but avoiding it only makes burnout more likely. Accepting help that is offered is also just as important. How many times have you actually refused help either from misplaced pride, mistrust, or not wanting to be a burden to others?
Delegation also requires letting go of complete control. We need to trust that others can do what we do. We need to be open to other ways of doing things. We need to have the humility to recognize that others may be able to contribute in ways we cannot.
We also need to learn how to say no when needed. For this, we need to be able to tolerate the disappointment of others. Disappointment is not necessarily shameful, especially if what is asked of you is not reasonable or sustainable. To prevent damaging the relationship because of this disappointment, we can offer alternatives. We can feel more comfortable in saying no if we know we haven’t left our friends and coworkers in the lurch. We can offer other ways we can help or refer them to others who can.
Work-life balance does not have to be a precarious juggling act. By learning to approach things mindfully, one at a time, we can savor meaning and satisfaction from everything that we do, be it work or play.
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aatuazon@up.edu.ph
