When children stop dreaming

When you are young, it is easy to believe that everything is within your reach. This is why when you ask kids what they want to be when they grow up, it is not uncommon to hear them confidently list three or more careers that they plan to pursue simultaneously: astronaut/doctor/lawyer/singer. In childhood, imagination has no ceiling. As people grow older, their dreams tend to narrow, not because they lose hope, but because their preferences become more defined and the pathway toward their goals also becomes clearer.

For children from disadvantaged backgrounds, however, what often happens is not a natural narrowing, but a premature collapse of their dreams at a much earlier age. Research shows that high-achieving children from low-income families tend to be at the same level as their more affluent peers in terms of cognitive skills and aspirations through the early years of primary school. However, as they get older, their self-belief slowly begins to erode, influenced largely by what they see at home and their immediate environment.

The significant decline happens when they enter secondary school. Studies show that between 11 and 14 years old, students who once showed high potential often experience a sharp decrease in their attitudes toward school, mental health, and academic achievement, along with a notable drop in aspirations and self-confidence. Compared to their equally able peers from privileged households, children from an impoverished background often face less encouragement and fewer positive role models. Combined with a lack of resources, these children also become at greater risk of behavioral and mental health issues. And while aspirations for a college education are still high at age 14, they drop significantly when the students turn 16.

Studies in developmental psychology show that children who experience early adversity, such as poverty, neglect, or trauma, are more likely to develop a “scarcity mindset.” In this mental state, their energy becomes so consumed by day-to-day survival rather than long-term planning that there is little cognitive space for long-term planning. Over time, the dreams of disadvantaged children begin to shrink because they start to internalize a sense of futility. Psychologist Martin Seligman coined the term “learned helplessness” to describe the state in which people believe that they are powerless to change their situation, even when opportunities to do so are available. Left unaddressed, this mindset becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, especially in the absence of proper guidance and emotional support.

Recently, I was invited by the Goetz Moving & Storage Company to join their outreach program at the SOS Children’s Villages in Alabang. This non-profit child welfare organization provides long-term support and family-like homes for children who have lost parental care or are at risk of losing it. The activity was held in honor of the birthday of Goetz’s late founder, Nil Munoz, whose life was defined by compassion and selfless service. Apart from being the heart of the company, she was a second mom to me (she was my mom’s best friend). In 2006, Ninang Nil was one of the kind souls who helped fund my time in Mexico as a Catholic youth missionary. To be able to serve others in her memory is something I will never say no to.

Giselle, Goetz’s current CEO, wanted the outreach to leave a lasting impact. Based on growing evidence, interventions that are rooted in creativity and help children define clear pathways can strengthen a sense of agency and rebuild aspiration. So together, we designed a workshop centered on hope and goal-setting. Drawing from Carol Dweck’s Growth Mindset theory, we helped the girls understand that talents and abilities can develop over time. Then, we moved into a dream-mapping activity, and guided them on identifying their S.M.A.R.T. goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound). Their final output was a Dream Board: a visual roadmap of their desired career and small actions they could take every day to work toward it.

It turned out to be a deeply meaningful experience. I was quite touched to see the SOS House Mothers, who truly care for their assigned children like family, nurture, and affirm our young participants throughout the process. We learned about aspiring flight attendants, English teachers, and chefs. Some wanted to travel and see the world, and one wanted to help girls like her in the future. One of the most commendable aspects of SOS’ work is that they support high-achieving youth with college scholarship applications and connect them to their partner schools both here and overseas. We hope that the activity inspired many of the participants to take advantage of these opportunities.

When disadvantaged children stop dreaming, it’s not because they lack imagination. It’s because the world has failed to give them enough reasons to believe that achieving their dreams is still possible. A day with the SOS girls is not enough, and vision boards will not erase the structural barriers they are facing. But through the session, we hoped that we helped create a space where a child can confidently say, “I see a bigger future,” and receive the encouragement and guidance to pursue it.