Year-end reflections

Mithi“ was the word that was emblazoned on the simple, but elegant invite which succeeded in pulling on heartstrings. This word, if you will agree, is one of the very many that perfectly reflects the beauty of our language and that there is no English translation. Goals, dreams, aspirations may be synonyms, but they will never come close. It was this year’s theme for the graduation rites for pediatric fellows and residents.

Sitting near the front row, I was fortunate to have a clear view of the stage. While the highlight of the program would be to witness them receiving their certificates of completion and listening to their future plans, what remains to be embedded and continuously gets stored in the memory bank are the expressions of pride and happiness on the faces of their parents, family members, and their significant others who solidly stood alongside them. Fondly remembering, having once been in their shoes, maybe they were feeling a mixture of happiness, relief, a bit of uncertainty, but safe in the knowledge that things would eventually turn out for the best, knowing that there were people who cared enough to see them through.

Closely following this thought, I wondered how other people manage without a family’s love and support. While we are of the general notion that everyone has one to call their own, not everyone is as fortunate. You may have heard of people who boast about having made it on their own. But among the success stories you may have heard or read about, how many of them have clearly emphasized the important role that the family has played, or how the presence of a parental figure helped steer them in the right direction?

Weeks back, a very dear friend had given me an early Christmas present, the gift of words, made more powerful because she had never known what it was to have parents or be part of a family unit. She was thanking me for having shown her what a family is through the years that she has known mine. This is not meant to uplift my own but more importantly, to make all of us realize how we can be capable through our actions, consciously or unconsciously, to make people feel that they are part of ours.

This is just a piece of what she wrote, shared with her permission.

“Thank you for:

Showing me the beauty of unconditional love.
Reminding me that family transcends blood ties.
Giving me a glimpse of parental warmth.
Inspiring hope in my heart.”

I never thought that what seemed ordinary and natural, what is expected of being a daughter, a sister, a doctor, a friend, or an employer was special, up until she sent me the message. In her own fashion, she was telling me that a personal kind of healing was taking place amid remnants of hurt feelings that remained from having grown up bereft of familial presence and love.

A traditional family, as we were taught, is a basic unit of society consisting of parents, children, or people who are related biologically or through marriage. If one were to strictly adhere to its definition, there is a lot that is left unsaid, for we know that its true meaning lies in how one perceives it. As Filipinos, I can say that one of our very commendable traits is having a strong sense and love for family way above love for country. How can you explain why there is a general exodus to seek opportunities elsewhere just to provide for basic necessities back home, why we choose to have our elders in the safety of our homes, and why we are known to be excellent caregivers?

Over the weekend, a question was posted to me. “What in this lifetime is your ultimate goal?” I was at a loss to provide a singular reply. Thanks to my dear Carmelite nun who unknowingly gave me the answer through her heartfelt message which I have just shared. It’s not rocket science at all. Interestingly enough, it coincided with the Feast of the Holy Family.

Each year, we are given that space to think about resolutions. She was right, we don’t need to reinvent ourselves but to just try living our lives by doing what is expected of us, doing what is right, and helping make the world a little more just for everyone. We need to dig deeper into ourselves, show a little bit more compassion, empathy and love, and make people feel seen, heard, and significant, most especially with those outside our circle. Your warmth, your helping hand, and your encouragement mean a lot to those who have less. Make people believe and feel that they are family.

May this be a gentle reminder for all of us this new year.

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