The man who chose us
There are many types of fathers, but I truly believe stepfathers are in a class of their own. I know of a very special one.
I met Earl Hans Santos, a lawyer, 34 years ago. He was a handsome dude, single, with a promising law career ahead of him. He was quite the catch.
I asked him why he persistently pursued someone like me who had ended her marriage and already had two daughters. He said that aside from falling in love and finding in me all the qualities of a wife that he was looking for, I came with two very cute little girls that he wanted to make his own.
So started Hans’ journey as a stepfather to Monica and Michelle. And what a journey it has been!
Since their father was present in their lives, and to make Hans more acceptable to the girls, I encouraged them to keep calling him Tito Hans even after we were married. I explained that their hearts were big enough to love two fathers, and Tito Hans wasn’t there to replace their father.
But Tito Hans was there to build something new for us. As the years passed, Hans became their go-to person for many things. He bought them their first bikes, first car, and was a big help when it came to homework. I remember Monica calling Hans at the office saying he had to come home early to help her with a paper that was due the next day. He, of course, complied.
Hans had to learn their favorite stories and food, earning a place in their hearts. He read “The Three Little Pigs” to Michelle and had to sing the last few lines with a different tune every night for a long time.
Hans and I had a son of our own, Ben, who the girls absolutely doted on. As Monica declared at the hospital when Ben was born, “We have the cutest baby!” This made our family even more complete.
Fair and generous
Hans is more of a stepfather than I could ever have asked for. He is loving, fair, and generous in every way. When Michelle graduated cum laude from Ateneo de Manila, she only had two tickets for special seating. Her dad wanted to attend the graduation ceremony. Hans went to the president of Ateneo and asked for two more tickets for Michelle’s dad and stepmother. It’s funny that in the end, they had better seats than we did.
When Monica was getting married, she wanted her father to walk her halfway down the aisle and her Tito Hans would take her to the altar. But this was not to be.
I broke the news to Hans that he would not be walking Monica down the aisle, but she insisted that he be at the altar with her father to give her away to her groom, Carlos Salazar. Hans being the gracious stepfather said right away, “Of course, that’s totally fine with me. That’s Monica’s big day, not mine. She should not even think of me.”
Years later, when the girls’ father had passed, Hans got to walk Michelle down the aisle when she married Seb de Guzman. That was a very proud moment for Hans.
Different breed
Stepfathers are a different breed. They walk into a story already in progress, and there is no manual for this. They accept, love, and take responsibility for kids who biologically are not theirs. They protect, share the burden of parenting, and quietly find their way into the hearts of their stepkids.
It’s a love that takes patience and grows stronger as the years pass. A love built on trust, respect, and knowing that there is someone who always has your back.
Hans had to navigate the role of being a father, mentor, and all-around nice guy who would cook Spam and corned beef for dinner when I was still at work. Hans’ own father passed when he was 11 years old. He always tells me that he wants to be the father that he did not have.
As Monica said, “Years ago, Tito Hans and I wanted to lose weight, so we started walking every night, then soon we were running together. I really loved those times, because it was our time to talk and I felt like it strengthened our bond.”
Said Michelle, “I think being a stepdad is very selfless. Sometimes stepdads have a bad image but when they’re good ones like Tito Hans, it’s really a very special person and relationship.”
Ben said, “He is everything I could ask for in a father, and then some. He’s the person I look up to in his roles as a lawyer, brother, and most of all, father. I hope one day, when I have kids, I become as great a father as he has been to us.”
On this day, I give tribute to all fathers—my dad, Jose Meily Jr.; Monica and Michelle’s dad, Mario Gene Mendiola; Carlos Salazar, father of our grandson Elio; and most especially to my husband Hans. Happy Father’s Day!
Susan Meily Santos is president of a marketing and distributing company of food supplements.
