This is my subway take: We should get married even when we’re not yet ready
In my young, inexperienced life as a newlywed, a mere one year in, I find marriage is framed far too much as a triumphant finish line rather than a starting point to building a life. Often, I find it funny when our friends comment we have it all together, to which we blush and cringe (and puke a little in our mouths), when it’s the very opposite.
Then there are those friends (you know who you are, I’ve stuck my nose in your business and nagged you more than once) still on the fence of a decades-long relationship. The qualifications before buying a ring are as follows: a condo at the ready, savings steady, a more than comfortable salary, travel bucket lists still unticked, emotional trauma yet unresolved, etc.
Only when all of these are sorted out, and only then, can one pop the question.
But recently, lawyer Lorna Kapunan made headlines after advising young Filipino women not to get married. Her comments are reasonable—rooted in the realities of Philippine law, which does not have a divorce law. Marriage is one of the biggest legal commitments a person can make, and she’s right.
To add, rent, groceries, and gas are expensive. Wedding suppliers’ rates also increase by 5 percent to 10 percent per year (daylight robbery!). But hey, are you buying that P280 oat milk Spanish latte or saving up for a future together?
Before you shout at me, let’s look at the paradox.
The paradox
If you feel like your paycheck doesn’t stretch as far as your parents’ or grandparents’ did, you aren’t imagining things.
Generationally, there have been structural changes. The biggest milestones—buying a home, starting a family, education—have become less affordable than past decades. While a ticket from Paris to Hong Kong, an iPhone, or even a designer bag have become more attainable.
This is why middle- to upper-middle-class Gen Z have been spending on little luxuries, which have adjusted to inflation.
According to the Philippine Statistics Authority, marriages have dropped more than 22.6 percent in 2025 compared to 2024. To get a picture of these changes, Metro Manila condos now cost 19.8 times the median annual household income, so you’d have to be blessed by the stars or generational wealth to buy your own home.
Still, money isn’t the whole picture. Previous generations also struggled financially. But it was common for the older generation to move in with their parents or in-laws. And travel didn’t even come into the picture, while a TV was a huge luxury.
Life was simpler, as people didn’t want as much, simply because there weren’t as many things to want. You didn’t have fancy coffee shops or bars with artisanal cocktails. Johnny Walker Red Label was considered the best for many years. We can’t immediately say life was more affordable in the ’70s and ’80s either, as the Philippines experienced severe inflation, oil shocks, and, later, the debt crisis and martial law.
So is it really just all about money and marriage as a financial risk? Of course there’s more to it, such as emotional readiness. And many very rightly can’t say they’re ready for marriage if they’re in abusive, irresponsible, or totally incompatible partnerships.
Nonetheless, could it be that the barrage of contemporary consumerism and capitalism is a raging distraction that’s making our definition of “being ready” more and more impossible to reach?
Taking the leap
Historically, marriage was an economic institution when women had no means to fend for themselves and needed providers—basically at the mercy of the patriarchy. Today, marriage is undeniably problematic for the majority of young Filipinos. The fight against poverty in the Philippines post-martial law regime is long-drawn. Minimum wage continues to fall alarmingly below the benchmark of a decent standard of living, making it impossible for many poorer younger people to get married—and it isn’t financially realistic to do so.
To the excitement of our team, our 24-year-old colleague, director and multimedia producer Jaime Morados recently proposed to actress Therese Malvar. He described readiness as “first and foremost about the spiritual aspect, being content in my relationship with God and knowing that my fiancée feels the same way.”
While he acknowledges that “finances and stability matter,” he says, “I don’t want to make material things the measure of my readiness because if I base my maturity on money, career, or possessions, I’ll probably never feel ready. There will always be something more to chase.” Whether or not you share Morados’ faith, I think there’s wisdom in this, otherwise the goalposts will keep moving.
I’m not making a plea to go ahead and have a lavish wedding, nor am I suggesting that everyone should get married.
So why marry at all? Because it’s wonderful. Marriage is a place where partners can find deep wells of joy and love, as I am just starting to learn. Don’t hate me for being cheesy—and to clarify, I am the opposite of a far-right ultraconservative Christian trad wife. I just stand by my subway take that you really don’t have to have it all together to leap, to fail and flail, be a fool, and embarrass yourself in front of, and with, the person you love.
There is no mythical “one”
So, have we confused being prepared with being perfect? If my own short experience as a newlywed has taught me anything, it’s that there’s always reason to postpone the next chapter.
But life waits for no one, and definitely doesn’t pause until we’re gung-ho-level-ready.
Maybe that’s why so many people stay in healthy, committed, years-long relationships without taking the next step. Besides money or careers, it is often certainty concerns, wondering if a better person will come along.
I always think of Bojack Horseman’s very blunt line: “Nobody completes anybody. That’s not a real thing. If you’re lucky enough to find someone you can halfway tolerate, you sink your nails in and don’t let go, no matter what.”
When you’re an unmarried couple, you struggle separately, unnecessarily. But I’ve realized that when you get married, you struggle together, 100 percent willing to work hand in hand to make a life despite all the endless wants and crap in the world today. There is no mythical “one”—just someone imperfect whom you choose, and who chooses you back.
And when you find that person you sink your teeth in, you don’t let go (sorry, sweetheart, you’re stuck!).
Some of life’s sweetest memories aren’t made after everything falls into place, but after building a place in the world together—once you’ve found someone you love.
Nonetheless, to quote Baz Luhrmann’s “Everybody’s Free”: “Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll divorce at 40. Maybe you’ll dance the ‘Funky Chicken’ on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much. Or berate yourself either. Your choices are half-chance. So are everybody else’s.”
Less Filipinos are saying “I do”
• Filipino marriage rates dropped by 7.8 percent in 2023. By 2024, there was a steeper 22.6 percent drop. (Commission on Population and Development)
• Women aged 15-49 who were living with their partners as if married rose from 5 percent in 1993 to 19 percent in 2022. (2022 National Demographic and Health Survey)
• Roughly 2.4 million Filipinos aged 15-24 were already living with a partner outside of marriage. (2021 Young Adult Fertility and Sexuality Study)
• More children are being born out of wedlock, with a total of 842,728 births to parents not in formal union recorded in 2023. (PSA data)
• Gen Z Filipinos who plan to marry prefer to do so after age 35 due to career goals, emotional readiness, and financial independence. (Arkipelago Analytics)
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