When weight starts running your life

How much of your life have you spent trying to lose weight? Maybe you’ve been doing it for years—losing weight, gaining it back, and trying again. For more than half my life, I’ve worked with people who have different relationships with weight. One grew up being told she was overweight. Another was advised by her doctor to lose weight for her health. There’s the overachiever who wants to do well in everything, even her weight.

There’s a woman in midlife managing her weight as her body and hormones change. And then there’s someone who believes being thinner will make her feel better about herself and more accepted.

The common denominator

Different reasons for wanting to lose weight, but they can all lead to the same thinking: the smaller I become, the better I’m doing at it.

With GLP-1 medications and more options for treating obesity, significant weight loss is now possible for more people. At the same time, social media constantly shows thinner bodies, weight-loss transformations, and before-and-after photos. It seems like everywhere you look, there’s pressure to lose weight.

So what does successful weight loss really mean? To me, it isn’t simply about losing more pounds. Look at what you’re gaining too: better health, greater resilience, and a body that can do more.

A lower weight doesn’t always mean better health

For years, you may have believed that reaching a certain weight was the ultimate goal. Maybe that number came from a doctor, a parent, your friends, or even the celebrities you admired. Or you simply want to lose a few pounds for a wedding, vacation, or special occasion.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to lose weight or look better. But a lower number doesn’t always mean you’re healthier. You can become lighter while losing muscle, eat less but feel exhausted, or reach your target weight while becoming more preoccupied with food and exercise.

The opposite can happen, too. You may not have reached your target weight yet you’re stronger, sleeping better, or improving your blood pressure, blood sugar, or cholesterol.

So if your weight is going down but your strength, energy, and health are declining, is that really success? Weight loss can be a goal, but it doesn’t have to be the only way you measure progress.

Because when the scale becomes your main measure of success, managing your weight can actually become harder. You reach your target, feel good about it, then slowly go back to your old habits. Or the number isn’t moving the way you want, you get frustrated and give up. Then the weight comes back, and you find yourself starting all over again.

In midlife, ask what your body needs

For years, weight gain may have triggered the same response: Eat less, exercise more, get back to my old weight. But in midlife, don’t just think about the weight you want to lose. Think about the body you want to keep.

What worked at 25 may not be what your body needs at 50. As you age and move through menopause, maintaining muscle and bone matters even more. Research also suggests that the menopause transition may be a vulnerable time for disordered eating, as changes in weight and body shape can increase the pressure some women feel to stay thin.

Maybe you need to lose weight for your health. But while in the process, think about what you’re building: muscle, fitness, stronger bones, better metabolic health, and a healthier relationship with food.

Instead of always thinking about how little you can eat, how much you burned, or what the scale says, pay attention to what you’re gaining. Are you stronger? Eating well? Do you have more energy? Can your body do more?

When is weight loss enough?

Maybe you finally lose the 10, 20, or 30 pounds (or more) you wanted to lose. Or maybe you’re already at a healthy weight but still want to lose a little more. But at what point do you stop trying to become smaller?

While working on losing weight, pay attention to what your body needs. Build muscle, protect your bones, care for your heart and brain, and improve your fitness. Your target weight can be one goal, but it doesn’t have to be the only one.

Do you really need to lose more once you’ve hit a healthy weight that works for you? You can maintain what you’ve achieved, keep caring for your body, continue to become healthier and fitter, and enjoy life without always thinking about your weight.

Measure more than your weight

Weight can still matter, but the scale is only one way to measure progress. Look at your whole health scorecard instead. This can help make weight management more effective and sustainable.

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Health: Don’t focus too much on your weight, but on what’s happening inside your body, too: your blood pressure, blood sugar, cholesterol, and body composition. Because you can be thin and still have excess visceral fat (fat around the internal organs), sometimes called TOFI, or “thin outside, fat inside.” The scale is only one part of your health story.

Nutrition: Don’t just ask how many calories you’re eating. Ask if you’re eating well. Are you getting enough protein, fiber, fruits and vegetables, healthy fats, and mostly whole or minimally processed foods? You can be thin and still eat poorly, especially if much of your diet comes from ultra-processed foods. Remember that a smaller body doesn’t always mean a well-nourished body.

Fitness: Don’t exercise just to burn more calories and create a bigger deficit to lose weight. More isn’t always better, especially if you’re not eating or recovering enough. Too much can leave you tired and affect mood, concentration, and recovery. How often do you do quality workouts that build strength, endurance, balance, and mobility even if they don’t burn a lot of calories?

Mindset: Don’t let food and weight take up too much space in your mind or your life. If the number on the scale decides how much you eat or exercise that day, or makes it harder to enjoy meals and time with other people, maybe it’s time to put the scale away for a while.

Instead, ask yourself: Do I have enough energy? Am I eating and moving in a way that helps me function and live well? Let that guide more of your daily choices instead of letting a number control you.